Trace

Chapter 25

HARRY'S P.O.V.

 It doesn't take a second for her eyes to register the feelings she feels inside. The girl I love, cowering back in a small chair...afraid of me. My heart feels a pang and tears begin to form in the back of my eyes. I suck in a breath and turn my head, while running my right hand through my hair and then resting it on the back of my neck. I turn around and look at Anne. 

  "Can you give us a minute?" I manage to say in a hoarse voice. 

She glances at El and El gives her the go with a small nod. Slowly, Anne retreats from her spot and trails back down the white hall behind me leading into Niall's room. 

  Eventually, El's eyes flutter up to look at mine, and they're wet with new tears. I go to sit on the couch next to her and although I can tell that she's furious toward me, angry, hurt, upset, fearful, disappointed, surprised, and maybe even hatred. . . I motion for her to come to me. Spending about two months with her now, I know what she needs. I feel guilt and regret because I knew all along. I'd been waiting for words- words of approval. All along, I had been wanting to hear her voice tell me her feelings for me. Little had I known out of my stubborness that no words were needed at all. As she stands and comes closer to me, the tears spill down my face. Because I know. I know that when she's beyond hurt and anger, beyond fear and rejection. . . there is love. And I hate myself for not recognising it sooner. When she climbs into my lap like a small child, and rests her head on my chest, her body shaking with small sobs, I feel the love. It is something between the two of us that only we can understand. I kiss her hair and rub her back and a few tears trickle down my cheeks. For now I know. I know that El loves me. 

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EL'S P.O.V.

  I lie like a small, vulnerable child in Harry's lap, soaking his shirt with my tears. I cry because of my sorrow I feel for Niall. I absolutely hate to see him hurt. I also cry because of Harry. Never had I thought that he would be the cause of pain to my best friend. However, I also cry because I could see the sincere apology in his eyes and the thoughtful, understanding forgiveness of Niall. I know that Harry is sorry. I know that things got out of hand. And I am certain that he will never lay a hand on Niall again. I look up to take a glance at his face. His eyes are closed and his brow furrowed, as if he's in very deep thought. I see that he's been crying. My heart hurts to see him like this, but I also understand that these are his consequences. I rest my hand gently back on his chest and I can hear the constant, rhythmic beating of his heart. Suddenly, I feel an overflowing sense of compassion and love. I also feel guilt for never telling Harry that I love him, despite all the times he has said it to me. And when something inside me stirs, I know that this is right. I am positive that he is the boy I was supposed to meet. And there is no doubt that I love him with all of my heart. 

      I lean up to whisper in his ear, "Take me home, please?" 

Harry gives a subtle nod and kisses my cheek. I take his hand as we both stand and we walk down the hall. Harry is about to turn to say goodbye to Niall, but I stop him. He gives me a concerned look, but I squeeze his hand a little. 

   "It's okay," I tell him. "I just need to get home."

Harry nods and smiles at me. We continue to walk down the lone corriders and finally make our way to the main room. In no rush, we walk to the doors and outside. The late afternoon sun greets us and hugs us in warmth. After getting into Harry's car, I take his hand again. He doesn't question my sudden need for holding his hand, but little does he know my nervous state right now and how much I need comforting. He pulls out and turns from the hospital. 

   "Can we maybe go to your place?" I ask him. "My mum's not home and it will be lonely." I lie.

"Of course, baby," is his reply and I feel the stirring inside me again. 

   As we get closer and closer to his flat, my heart race begins to pick up. I feel as I might have an anxiety attack, but I warn myself that I need to keepy my composure and that this is most absoulutely the right decision. Harry parks and we get out of the car. This time, it is Harry who takes my hand and  I'm thankful he doesn't comment on my sweaty palms. As we enter the double doors of the complex, a nervous nausea comes over me. I close my eyes when we enter the elevator and focus on my breathing. Slowly in and out. 

   "You okay, love?" 

Startled, I look at Harry. 

  "You look a bit pale."

I force a timid laugh and wave my hand. "I'm fine. Just kinda shaken up still."

 I can't tell if he's totally convinced, but he says no more. As the elevator opens to Harry's floor, I take one more deep breath and walk out. I watch as Harry fumbles for his keys, still totally oblivious of my intentions on coming here. The door opens and we walk into the dark apartment. Harry flips on the lights, and again I take his hand. 

   "Harry," I murmur. 

He directs his emerald gaze down to me. 

  Closing the space between us with my body, I lean up. "I love you." 

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down to my lips. I don't know what he's thinking now but I don't care. I make sure the kiss is full of burning passion. 

Harry moans softly when I softly bite down on his lip. He lowers his hands to beneath my bum and moves them, motioning me to jump up. I do, and I wrap my arms around his waist. Harry walks us to the bedroom and lies me down onto the bed. Harry groans as he kisses my neck and I run my hands through his hair. 

   Timidly, I begin to unbutton Harry's blue shirt. His eyes are a blazing forest green as he stares deep into mine. I drop the clothing and move to his belt buckle. Harry closes his eyes and moans softly when my hand grazes the top of his pants and I undo the belt. I unzipper his trousers and move them down his long legs. Harry falls on top of me, kissing me and takes off my shirt. I remove my jeans and through them on the collective pile on the ground. 

   I can tell Harry is getting uncomfortable with his growing bulge and I move my shaky hands over the elastic of his underwear. Harry shifts his weight upwards so that I can easily drag them off of him. Harry leans down to kiss my lips, while wrapping an arm around me to undo my bra. At first, I hesitate, but finally give in and feel my chest go bare in front of him. Harry rest his cupped hand on the side of my face as he moves us downward so I'm laying on the pillows. His weight is full on top of me, and he writhes against my body as both of us begin to sweat. It is hard to ignore the increasing feeling between my thighs and my eyes are full of lust when Harry begins to remove my panties.

   I whimper when he grazes my entrance with his long finger, but he stops to take off my panties completely. Wrapping my legs around him, I feel his penis on my waist and I involuntarily moan. Harry reaches his arm out to his drawer and pulls out a condom. We both are breathing hard when Harry sits up. 

  Following his gestures, I sit up also. 

"I know you have never done this before," Harry says quietly. 

   I gulp and give a small nod.

"And...I want to do something with you that I have never done with any other girl."

   My heart begins to beat rapidly. What does he mean?

"Cae Willow Harris... I want to make love to you."

 I feel a flutter in my chest at the words he just spoke to me. For the first time, he has called me by my real name- to show that I am of worth to him. I know that this is what I want. Harry has slept with several girls of my understanding, but never with a meaning. I feel tears beginning to form in my brown eyes and inhale slowly. Pressing my forehead to his, I coyly smile at him. This it it. Harry takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it, never losing our intense gaze.

 Not trusting my own voice, I begin to nod slowly. I can tell that Harry wants a more firm and sure answer, so I breathe out a small breath before whispering-

   "I'd love that."