Warning: Mention of a toxic relationship and a little bit of anxiety and depression!
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Today marks three years since my toxic boyfriend beat the shit out of me. It was three years ago that I was sent to the hospital and stayed in a coma for a week.
It was three years ago that what I always dreamed of doing for the rest of my life (architecture) was ruined.
I and Marco met in university, we started dating in our second year and he was the best boyfriend, but aren't they all in the beginning!
And in the last year of classes when I told him that I wanted to leave Portugal and go work in London, since it was a dream of mine, he started to be controlling, possessive, and then violent.
I always was that kind of girl that said 'If any man raises his hand to me, I'm leaving him', but as the OLD saying goes "easier said than done".
So I'm feeling weird today, not sad, not with anxiety. It almost feels like it doesn't bother me that much. And that makes me feel weird.
Jules calls and I explain that to her, she answers
"Well, you've been having a recovering year. You are letting the past in the past. You're moving forward. You should be proud of yourself, that instead of crying because of it, you want to put a killer outfit on and enjoy Mister Harry Styles on stage. Because that brings you joy. But most importantly that's WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. And there is nothing wrong with it. More there's only right in there"
I'm crying when she finishes and says
"Help me choose an outfit"
"HELL YES"
Today's show it's been a blast.
And for the first time, I heard a fine line with a proud feeling in my chest. I'm not that woman anymore. I moved on and I'm so happy with what I accomplished after all Harry was right "I'll be alright".
As I leave the venue I make a promise to start letting myself go out more to get to know people.
I want to marry, I want to have kids. And I'm a woman and can't wait too much.
As I look in the mirror that night before going to bed I look at myself and say
"I'm happy, I'm beautiful, I deserve this life" I smile and go to bed.
I can't wait to go back to Portugal!
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