Have you ever liked someone from afar? Like… you were content to watch them in shadow. Rooting for their success and happiness; palihim na palakpak kapag may achievement sila.
It's like just pure admiration without the intention of telling them what you really feel for them because for you, you are already happy to admire them.
In my case, that's what I'm doing. I'm not stalking that man or what, I'm just happy whenever he's around. He was a good man and he's just good to be true. My friends keep on teasing me because of my cowardness kasi hindi raw ako makaamin. Well… gusto ko rin naman para makausad ako kasi apat na taon ko na ring pinanindigan ang 'admiring you from afar' ko pero kasi naduduwag ako.
I don't have any intention to enter a relationship with him. Masaya ako na happy crush ko siya. I'm happy to congratulate him in my mind whenever he's achieving something. I'm fine with the short glances that God has given me whenever he's walking outside our department. Okay na sa'kin ang i-like ang once in a blue moon niyang mga post.
"Hoy, shutangina mo, Aliah!" hampas ni Jaira sa'kin.
Umirap ako sa kanya, "Shutangina mo rin."
Tumawa lang siya sa'kin bago tumabi sa pagkakaupo ko. Inilapag niya agad ang bag niya sa lamesa at kumuha ng fries na nasa harap ko. Napakaburaot nga naman.
"I saw your happy crush…" she trailed off while munching my fries.
I looked at her with disbelief, refusing to believe her. Ang layo ng nursing department sa engineering, siraulo ba 'to…
"Tanga, oo nga! May kasamang babae." ngumisi pa ito sa akin kaya naman inis akong humarap sa kanya. Makakain ko ba impormasyon na sinasabi niya?
"Salamat, ha. Sana mabulunan." inambaan ko siya ng suntok bago ko kuhanin ang mga libro kong nakalapag sa lamesa.
"Tangina neto, hoy!" sigaw niya sa akin nang umalis ako sa bench na inuupuan namin sa garden.
May recitation kami at alam niya 'yon kaya alam ko ring susunod sa'kin sa library 'yan. Well, I'm not really affected with her news about Kian and that 'girl'. Wala naman akong magagawa kung gusto mag-girlfriend ng crush ko di'ba? I like him but that doesn't mean he has to reciprocate what I feel. He never sent me mixed signals so I am aware in the first place that he has nothing to do with me. Ako naman ang gumusto sa kanya at ako rin ang pumili na 'wag umamin kasi nga okay na ako sa ganitong walang kami.
Mas okay na rin na walang kahit anong connection sa'min kasi alam ko naman sa sarili kong ayoko pa pumasok sa gano'ng bagay. Having a happy crush is different with having a relationship. Stress na nga ako sa buhay ko tapos dadagdagan ko pa ba? No way. Sarili ko nga hindi ko na kayang i-handle, eh.
"Hoy, bruha ka. Napakawalang kwenta mong kaibigan 'no?!" umakbay si Jaira sa'kin kaya inis akong humarap sa kanya.
Matalino kasi 'tong bwisit na 'to kaya chill sa buhay, samantalang ako… ayon, kailangan ko munang isangla kaluluwa ko para makapasa lang sa mga exam. I was once an achiever. Was. Tinanggap ko kasing bobo ako simula noong mag-kolehiyo ako. We went to our library to review, may isang oras pa naman bago magsimula ang klase. I wear my earbuds to focus since music really gives me a huge impact in reviewing.
After an hour, we went back to our classroom. The recitation went well even though I was nervous. Bakit kasi si Ma'am Tara ang prof namin? Putangina, gusto ko lang naman makatawid sa third year tapos bibigyan niyo pa 'ko ng problema.
Palabas na kami ni Jaira sa school nang makaramdam ako ng kabog sa dibdib ko. I am already familiar with this feeling so I immediately roam the place to see if there's someone. I just realised that we're already walking in front of the engineering building.
