Trigger warning: self-harm
Having someone to stay by your side is truly a blessing. It is so majestic, knowing that no matter how hard life is, you'll always have that someone to cry on. It is not only existing in romantic relationships, you can see it in a family or in a platonic relationship- a best friend. As someone who doesn't like any type of romantic relationship, I am content with my friends and dogs. I don't hate it, I have a boyfriend, what I mean is that I don't chain myself in my relationship because we're still young. Masaya ako sa kung anong meron ako pero hindi lang doon umiikot ang buhay ko.
Having a best friend that knows you more than you know myself is a blessing- the greatest gift, I guess. Having Lavigne is a bliss yet stressful at the same time.
She's been my best friend for seven years and we've been together since high school. Ngayong kolehiyo na kami ay magkasama pa rin kami. She came from a family of architecture so everyone is expecting her to follow the path her family made. She never wanted to be one, that wasn't a secret. She's open, very open, about her will on studying veterinary but she can't voice it out to her parents. She's still the achiever I know even though studying archi isn't really easy. She's excelling, pati mga prof namin ay pansin 'yon.
She's helping me a lot. That's why it's a blessing. However, her humor is darker than a black hole. She cannot finish a day without mentioning suicide and death. Nasanay na rin ako sa kanya kaya alam kong inside joke na lang sa'min 'to. Though I know it's alarming, I cannot force her to tell me what's on her mind. If she's not feeling safe telling me, I won't force her. I'll just stay beside her.
"Vigne, what's your plan about our plate? Malapit na deadline, gaga." tanong ko habang kumakain kami sa café sa tapat ng University.
"Magbigti po." she shrugged, napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa kanya. "Kimi, all nighter ako mamaya, beh."
I sipped my coffee, "Same... tinambakan ba naman kasi tayo ng plates, alam naman nilang exam week." reklamo ko.
She crossed her arms, "What are you expecting from our department, psh. Sana talaga masagasaan na lang ako mamaya pag-uwi."
"Ang pangit ng humor mo, gago, pero same..."
She rolled her eyes, "Basher..."
I've been noticing how much she loves wearing long sleeves these past few days. Hindi niya naman style 'yon kasi mabilis mainitan 'to, or maybe because she's cold in our classroom kasi may aircon. Napansin ko rin kung gaano niya kadalas kamutin ang pulso niya. Sabi niya lang na allergy kaya gano'n. Ang pasaway kasi nito, eh. Alam niyang bawal siya sa peanut pero kumakain pa rin kapag nagrereview kaming magkakaibigan.
"Kidding aside, Vigne, what's your plan?" I sighed. She's too preoccupied to the point I have to remind her every single time about the deadlines of our paperwork.
She winced, "All nighter, Quin. Matatapos ko 'yan bukas lahat." she smiled sweetly.
"Do you need my help? I'm done with my plates, I can help you." I offered.
She shook her head and laughed, "Hindi na. Maawa ka sa bagahe mo d'yan sa ilalim ng mata mo."
"Para matapos ka-"
"Hindi na, Quin." she cut me off. She smiled at me again to assure me that she's fine.
This girl...
Ako na ang sumuko kaya tumango na lang ako, "Message me when you need a hand, ah?"
Ngumiwi siya, "May kamay ako, gaga."
Napairap ako sa kanya, gago talaga. I raised my middle finger and rolled my eyes. She's always like this. She wants to do things on her own, she doesn't want to bother anyone so she's trying to be the strongest version of herself. I'm proud of her for that but sometimes, I wish that she also has the courage to admit that she's weak... that she needs help. I will gladly catch her when she's falling, to help her up. Hindi lang kami vocal sa isa't isa pero alam kong alam niya namang nandito ako parati para sa kanya.
