They say reality is better than whatever you made in your mind, little did they know those dreams are made to escape the hurtful reality. It's kind of a mess to think that you're using those illusions just to escape the truth of life. In addition, I hate reality. I hate that I have to deal with people I've no connection with. I rather stay in my room and read books or watch my favorite movie than to socialize. Or, I can just binge watch my favorite k-pop groups like GOSE, Run BTS.
Or just to sleep.
I am singing along with IDUBILY by SVT when my brother shouted, “Umiiyak ka na naman, Jen!”
I rolled my eyes, “Shut up, you punk!”
This is how my life works: Music, books, sleep.
And sleeping actually gives me more than I get in reality. Because in the world I created in my head, I saw someone who values me more than anything. It's lucid dreaming. I don't know when it started but I just know that I have to sleep to meet Kai. He's the man I saw in my dreams for a year now, lagi siyang nandoon at naghihintay sa akin para makipagkwentuhan. He never makes me feel I am a burden, lahat ng kwento ko ay pinapakinggan niya. He gave me the comfort I want.
“Jen!” He called me the moment I fell asleep.
Our eyes met, the cherry blossom in his back made him more pretty. It is the world I created for myself yet I shared it with him like he shared his sunshine with me. It feels like I found a best friend in his existence even though he only existed in my dreams.
“Kai,” I uttered his name.
I am the one who named him Kai, it means sea and a warrior. Sea because it's too wide and mysterious just like him, like a deep ocean that I wouldn't dare to explore. A warrior because I know how dark my dream is whenever I am awake. I read many books about lucid dreams and it says that whenever the latter is awake, the dream will stay dark.
“I made a snowman!” he said, he was smiling ear to ear and that's too cute.
“Ang likot mo, kagabi nasa dagat ka lang!” singhal ko kunwari sa kanya kaya natawa siya.
“I got bored, tara na!” he held my hand and pulled me to show his ‘snowman’. He's so much a kid.
I don't know what's gotten into me but I created this place in the most random way you could imagine. May dagat sa kaliwa, then sa kanan kung nasaan kami ni Kai ay may snow pero mayroon ding namumulaklak na cherry blossoms. Sa kabilang dako naman ay nandoon ay aurora borealis. I don't know how the hell I can imagine this and put that into a reality slash dream.
“How's your day?” he asked me while creating another snowman.
I shrugged, “As usual,” I answered while laying down on the ground full of snow.
“Walang kwento?” tanong niya muli at nahiga sa tabi ko.
I sighed, “Pagod lang sa klase, pero alam mo ba…” tumagilid ako ng higa para makita siya.
He did the same so we're literally facing each other right now. The aurora borealis reflected in his eyes and those lights danced with it. His hair was full of snow. I can't remember if I am the one who created those moles on his face or if it was really part of him even before I saw him.
“Lisa said she wanted to see Aurora borealis so bad, tapos si Rojean gustong-gusto mag-ski.” kwento ko sa kanya habang taimtim siyang nakikinig sa akin, “I want to tell them that I experienced it all already but I am afraid that they won't understand my ability to lucid dream.”
“Ikaw? Ano pa gusto mo maranasan?” tanong niya.
Napaisip ako, “Gusto ko manuod ng concert?” patanong na sagot ko kaya natawa siya at pinitik ang ilong ko.
