Beyoncé's POV
I woke up still in the damn hospital.
" Good Morning Baby." Momma greeted me.
She handed me a hot chocolate from Starbucks.
The 14th of April. The day I became a mom.
" Can I go see them?" I asked.
"Yes I'll go with you." Momma helped me get up and I walked barefoot to the Hospital Nursery.
Shawn was in there. I think he was looking at Sasha.
I moved over to the next glass.
One of my baby boys, Christian Corey Carter. This one was a fighter. He was really a replica of Shawn. They had the same lips the same face. They looked just alike in every way.
My other boy, my strong, healthy, boy, Andre Shawn Carter. He was born first. He weighs a little more then the rest but hey, that's just more to love.
Lastly was Sasha.
Our baby girl. She almost didn't make it. She had been put in the NICU for a day. But she still made it out.
That's why I named her Sasha. I felt that was definitely a fierce name. She was our fierce baby girl.
"Sasha Giselle Maraj Ivy Carter." I whispered as I stood next to Shawn and looked into the glass.
"She looks just like you." Shawn said wrapping his arm around my waist.
"But she smiles just like you." I chuckled.
Her eyes were just like mine. And With that long ass name I hope she become something to remember.
•
"Beyoncé you can't ignore me forever." Shawn touched my chin and pushed it up slightly so I was looking him in the eye.
" Who said that was the plan?" I chuckled at him. He gave me a weak smile.
" I love you. And you know that." He said making my smile fade as I thought about him.
His warm hands on my face making me melt.
But as I thought about what he said, the last part kinda didn't sound right.
And you know it. No I didn't know it.
( Play, I'd Rather Go Blind. Video Above . )
" Actually Shawn I wish I did know you love me. If you did love me, why... why would you leave me? I know you've had a troubled past but that doesn't give you a pass to just disappear from my life. I know that Nicki... She told me to give you another chance. But you left me. For who knows what? Was it another girl? " I asked him even though Drake had told me he saw Shawn with a different girl. He even showed me a picture of them kissing. And I honestly rather go blind.
" I-" He paused.
Something told me it was over.
"Be honest with me." I looked him straight in the eye. Hoping for answers but his face remained emotionless.
" I did happen to see another girl."
"After how long?" I couldn't bear to look at him anymore so I closed my eyes.
" It was the day...."
"The day you vanished wasn't it. Don't lie, I saw the pictures Jay." A tear slipped from my eye.
When I saw you and that girl walking around.
"And wasn't this the girl, you had been texting and you told me she was your cousin. I should've known."
I would rather, I would rather go blind boy.
"Beyoncé, I was drunk."
"Don't use that as an excuse. When your drunk it just means you have less self control. You must've already been thinking about doing it. Was I not good enough?" I wondered feeling hurt and confused. Not knowing who I should trust anymore.
So you see I love you so much.
" Bey-" He tried to start with me.
"Don't Bey me. How can I trust you'll be there for the kids if you're not even there for me?" The water works started. Of course he wouldn't be there.
I was just,
I was just,
I was just sitting here thinking of your kiss and your warm embrace.
" We could've been the perfect family Shawn. But you left. I should've known. That wasn't enough for you
Revealed these tears that are on my face.
" And I know that you didn't just see her once."
And Baby, baby, baby,
I was coming back to the house to take my belongings and as I looked inside the window I noticed Shawn sitting on the couch with a blanket. Then after about two minutes a girl with barely any clothes on holding a tub of popcorn sat next to Shawn and I watched them until I couldn't take it any more.
And baby I would rather be blind boy,
"Bey listen to me please."
"Shawn you don't understand.. I would rather go blind. Then to have seen you two together like that."
Then to see you walk away
walk away
from me.
