The Life and Lies of Cassiopeia Rosier- Regulus Black

.there is only power.

.courage, dear heart.

I had never felt my arm burn so fiercely before. As if The Dark Lord was summoning me with all the fervor and urgency he possessed.

It terrified me. Because if there was even the slightest chance he knew about where Regulus had been, I didn't have long to live.

That complete and utter terror was something I didn't expect to feel. But I was so scared as I disapparated from Hogsmeade. So scared that I could hardly see straight.

Grief, I expected. Grief drowned me. Agony, and sorrow dripped from me. But terror? That I was not expecting, and it suffocated me.

I was so scared. Scared of pretending. Scared of a future without him. Scared of being so desperately alone.

I could feel the darkness threatening to pull me into that deep pit. Could feel the beckoning tendrils that wanted to engulf me, and suffocate me.

Somehow all of these emotions mixed together creating something new, something I had never felt before. Something so oppressive and dark that I feared I would never find the light again.

I thought I had lived my whole life in fear, but maybe it was a life lived in grief. I couldn't tell the difference between the gripping sorrow and cold icy dread.

The feelings were too intimately intertwined.

Whatever it was, I wanted nothing more than to succumb, and let it take me.

An oppressive evil swallowed me the second I arrived outside the gates of Rosier manor. It was so thick that it was almost tangible. I could feel it enveloping me, shoving its way down my throat, clouding my senses.

The sky was gloomy. Dusk had just begun to settle around me. But not the dusk of beautiful sunsets and cotton candy skies. It was a dusk that just sucked away every last ray of light leaving the world cold, dim, and bleak.

Mist curled around the massive wrought iron gate that loomed before me. Gates I knew all too well.

I couldn't do it.

I couldn't go inside and pretend that everything was okay. Couldn't pretend that my life wasn't falling apart around me. Couldn't pretend that my very heart wasn't lying in a watery grave.

I wasn't okay. And I couldn't just waltz in and act like I was. It would kill me. The grief was too fresh, the pain too raw. I couldn't push it away. Couldn't pretend it didn't exist.

The agony was so fresh. It was as if someone had ripped my very heart from my body, and then just expected me to get up and keep living my life.

Panic gripped me, and my airways seemed to constrict.

Sobs started to tear from my chest, causing my whole body to quake. I gripped the freezing iron, and leaned my head against it, trying to steady myself. Instead, the cold only seeped into my body.

But it didn't matter. I was already too cold to feel much difference.

All of the sudden the burning on my arm turned into a violent agony. It was so sharp, so intense I almost saw white fire.

I cried out from the pain, the sound echoing in the silent evening like the yelping of an animal.

I didn't have long before the anguish would be too much. Not to mention what would happen if I kept the Dark Lord waiting too long.

But I didn't know how to calm down. Regulus had always been there to help me when the panic seized me. I couldn't do it on my own.

"Please." I sobbed, shocked at how raw my voice sounded. How vulnerable and broken.