The Life and Lies of Cassiopeia Rosier- Regulus Black

.a world crashing down.

Tw: sexual assault

.hello darkness my old friend. i've come to talk with you again.

During the next week, my heart felt significantly lighter but also more burdened at the same time. It was as if I was a living, breathing paradox. Part of me felt like I was breathing a breath of fresh air, yet the other part of me felt as if I was drowning. Like all of the air was being ripped from my lungs, and the pain from the ache that was left was indescribable.

I didn't want to admit it, but the Black brothers had more effect on my emotions than most did. I had made things right with one of them, and that gave me hope that maybe deep down, I still had some humanity left. Yet, the other half of my soul remained tortured with a ghost of what could have been. My heart was still far from free, as memories from the previous week continually played through my mind. I had left him standing alone in the bathroom, his feelings raw and exposed. I had abandoned him, and even though I knew he would forgive me in an instant, I knew I would never truly be able to forgive myself. The look of utter despair that was etched into every feature of his face would be one that would haunt my thoughts forever.

And yet that moment held a ghost of what could have been, the memory of a secret longing. One so deep and intense that not even the very depths of the ocean could compare. I had convinced myself that it was all for his safety. To keep him alive. Yet, in the darkest recesses of my mind, I wondered if it was actually to protect myself from loving him too much.

With November came the snow. It fell from the sky, blanketing a world full of lies and deceit with pure white crystals. Winter was here. I had always particularly enjoyed winter more than I had enjoyed summer. Something about snow intrigued me. It was so beautiful, so harsh and cold. It had the ability to end life, to stop it in its tracks. Yet the majority of people rejoiced as the first flurries were visible in the fresh mountain air. It always brought with it possibility.

Staring at the blizzard from the windows of the library made me remember a conversation I'd had with my mother many years ago.

"Rosier woman are like snow Cassiopeia. Beautiful and cold. That is the only way you will survive this world." She purred, as her sharp fingernail dug into the soft flesh under my chin. I always remembered that moment because it was one of the wisest things my mother had ever said to me.

The only way to survive life as a Rosier was to be cold and unyielding. Cold mind, cold heart. It is what I had always been taught, so why did it feel so wrong to freeze Regulus out? Everything came back to him. Every thought that circulated in my mind. Every breath that filled my lungs. Every feeling in my heart. They all circled back around to one focal point. Regulus Black. He made my heart thaw. He made me feel real, genuine warmth. He melted the snow and thawed the ice.

But it was the uncertainty that those possibilities brought that led me to shut him out. The chances that his life held would be stamped out and ended early if he got involved with me. I couldn't ever live with that.

It was starting to get late, and my eyelids were beginning to feel heavy. But before I could make a conscious decision to head back to the common room, I slipped into a quiet sleep.

Dreams haunted me that night.

I found myself in a large chamber. The walls were an incredibly funny texture, and all at once, I realized that they weren't walls. But rather rock. I was in a cave. Everything felt eerie and dark, almost as if the sun had never shined in such depths.

I found myself on what appeared to be an island. Crystals were growing from the rock covering the ground. A still, black lake surrounded the land; the water shone like liquid obsidian. As beautiful as it was, a dark feeling of evil lurked in the shadows. Whatever had happened there wasn't right. It felt ominous and oppressive, and every instinct I had was telling me to leave. To run and never come back.