The Beast's Roast

5

A year before his mother's passing Carlos already knew what was to come. He had remained hopeful for most of the time his mother had been sick, but those past months she had decayed really quick. She barely had any energy anymore, and he remembered hearing her throwing up constantly.

It seemed like everyone knew what was coming, but no one would talk about it. How do you talk about such a sensitive subject? He remembers laying in bed one night, the house was quiet, he was trying to fall asleep when he heard his parents talking.

Alonso, we both know sooner or later we'll have to tell the kids. - His mother was whispering, her voice was already weak and whispering only made her sound weaker, like after every word she needed a gasp of air just to recover

I know that love, I just don't know how i'll have the strength to do it. How do you tell your children their mother is dying?

Do you really think they don't know that already? They aren't dumb Alonso

I mean, they're not dumb, but Maya is young, she doesn't pay attention to things most of the time

And what about Carlos? You really think he doesn't know?

Carlos opened his eyes at the mention of his name, he sat up slowly and got close to his door quietly so that he could listen to them better.

I..- His father made a pause, it sounded like he was about to say something inappropriate and he stopped to think about it, after a few seconds he continued- I just don't know how to talk to that kid.

Carlos sat down next to his door, his head leaning against the wall, he frowned as he heard his father say that.

Alonso! - his mother spoke firmly, whispering loudly, after that she started to cough. Once she recovered her breath she continued - how can you say that about your own son?- she sounded hurt and disappointed.

I'm sorry, I just don't know why he behaves in such ways sometimes. I can't understand him, he just hides inside his room all day and never talks to me

Well, first of all, he is a teenager, they are known for doing that. And second, he is going through something no child should go through, he is seeing his mother dying slowly. He is grieving-  even in her weak state his mother's voice was strong enough to put his father in place- now more than ever he needs his father to be there for him.

Carlos closed his eyes, he felt some tears run through his cheeks, he took a deep breath, the air came out shakingly, he bit his lip trying not to make any noise. He felt powerless, he was about to lose the only person in the world who understood him and there was nothing he could do about it, his eyes and cheeks felt hot, he tried to calm himself but he couldn't so he just cried quietly as he continued to listen to his parents' conversation. Except there was nothing to listen to anymore, both of them were silent.

Carlos covered his mouth, afraid they had heard him and stopped talking because of it, that fear vanished after he heard his father let out a long trembling sigh.

What will I do after you are gone? - his voice was shaking - i am a mess now, seeing you like this, how will i be able to move on after you are gone? - Carlos heard apause followed by the sound of a kiss, he assumed it was his mother kissing his father's forehead, she always did that when he got nervous.

Ay Alonso, my dear, don't think about that now, cherish the present - she sniffled - sometimes we get so lost in the worries of the future that we forget to stop and take in the joys of the moment. I don't want you to miss out on all the time we have left together.

How can I be happy when I have to see you suffering like this?

You just have to be positive, and remember that once I'm gone you won't be alone, you'll have our children to share your life with. - she paused for a moment, Carlos could hear her voice breaking- Please Alonso, promise me you will care for them even if i'm not here.

I'll try my best, love.

Carlos heard them share a kiss before the light in their bedroom turned off. He sat on the floor of his room, his head between his knees, teardrops falling on his feet. That burning sensation on your cheeks when you want to cry but you can't. All he could do was sob silently, feeling an ache in his heart more strong than anything he had ever felt before. If he could take his mother's place he would, he just wanted her to be there with him. Walk into his room, sit next to him and hold him as she stroked his hair, waiting for him to calm down.

She always knew what to say to make him feel better, but that was when things could actually get better, now it was definite. He was in a dark room and the only light left was slowly vanishing. How was he supposed to move on without the one person that cared for him? Sure his father tried, but he was right, they never got along that well to begin with, and now without their mother as a catalyst he was sure that relationship would only worsen over time.

He closed his eyes and cried himself to sleep. The next morning he woke up on the floor, a blanket covering him. Once he went to the kitchen he saw his parents sitting on the table. He sat there and they told him everything he already knew. His mother was dying and she would be gone soon, he cried more than he had ever cried in his life, he held his mother as he sobbed violently, cursing the world, life and most of all cursing himself for being unable to do anything about it. His mother cried along with him, she held him as tight as she could and assured him everything would be fine. His father just sat there, his eyes red, turning around as soon as tears formed on them.

Carlos stayed in bed that whole week, he barely ate and when he did he would just throw up, he felt sick and anxious to his core. But most of all he felt helpless and useless. He just wanted to die, because maybe that way he would stop feeling all that pain, but the pain never left. Not even after her death, he just had to learn to live with it.