The King and his Hand

Chapter 4: What have I done??

I'm beginning to realize why the Watchers called this my punishment. The wailing around me makes that abundantly clear. I only wonder why everyone else is being punished alongside me. The world spins around me. Everything feels wrong. Nothing feels real. I feel like I'm back in that void, except this time, emotions weigh me down just as much as the space around me. I feel like a thousand stones are crushing me. No, I would rather the rocks. Impulse walks up and kneels next to Grian, trying to console him. But he can't bring himself to speak, so he gently places his hand on Grian's shoulder. 

"Grian?"

I cautiously turn towards the sound, but Grian doesn't look up. A ghastly silhouette walks over to him and puts their hand on his shoulder. The silhouette's long hair flows calmly in the wind. 

"Grian, look at me. Please."

He shakes his head and shoulders off the hand. He grips the cane tighter to his chest, leaning down farther. 

"No, I- I can't, Scar. I… I killed you." 

Scar sighs and sits next to Grian in the grass. He looks like a ghost, glowing yellow. We all stay silent for a bit. The only noise is Grian crying and the wind rustling the trees. Scar sighs, then speaks again. 

"Grian… Come live with me."

The little gremlin looks up, wiping his tears. 

"What?" 

"Come live with me. Be my friend, protect me. It's what you need, right? To be able to forgive yourself?" 

Tango and I just stand there, watching the scene. Etho had left. I think the blood had made him sick. Impulse grabs Grian and hugs him, cradling him in his big arms. Grian slowly begins to nod. He gingerly hands Scar back his cane and grabs Impulse's shirt instead. 

"O-okay." 

Scar smiles sadly. 

"We can leave whenever you're ready."

At that moment, Tango grabs my hand. Quietly, he leads me away to the other side of the village. 

"We should leave, Martyn. I know you're shaken, but Scar and Grian need a moment. Martyn?" 

I nod, trying to shake this sinking feeling. Tango's right, I have to leave. I let go of Tango's hand, which I noticed I was squeezing. 

"See you lateh' Tango."

I go to leave, but Tango pulls me in for a hug. He smells like burning iron. I'm surprised his hair doesn't hurt me. I hug him back, sinking into the heat. It's so comforting. I don't want to let go. My eyes start watering. Tango puts his hand on my head, letting me cry into his shoulder. 

"Shhh, it's OK. I'm here. You're safe."

I keep thinking, "Just a few more seconds!" But I have to leave. I slowly pull myself away. 

"Thank you. I needed that."

"Stay safe, Martyn. It's not going to get easier…" 

He pats me on the shoulder one last time. I wipe away my tears and wave goodbye, turning towards the forest to find Ren's shop. The sun sets over the trees in a reassuring golden light. What a crazy day.