⚠️⚠️⚠️ANXIETY, BODY DISMORPHIA, ED, POSSIBLE TRIGGERS⚠️⚠️⚠️
He let go and I was about to leave when he grabbed my hand. "This is pretty romantic." I say turning to him. "M'lady, may I have this dance?" He asked bowing. I curtsied. He took off his varsity jacket and put it on me. "Benny I can't accept you'll get sick." "Your health is worth more than mine." I shook my head. He grabbed my hand and twirled me in the middle of the street. We danced for a while in the middle of the street listening to the thunder and rain. I thought this could only happen in a dream.
"You think I'm just gonna let you be alone when your brother is sick and you just became my girlfriend? Nuh uh." He said leading the way to my house. "I don't know how much it'll help but it's something. Just give me five minutes and I'll be right back." He said kissing my cheek and running to his house. When the door shut, I looked around before sniffing his jacket.
The scent of cologne filled my body with delight. I sat for a moment taking off my shoes waiting for him to be back which only took 10 minutes.
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I changed in my room while Benny was in the bathroom.
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(TOP IS A TSHIRT)
When Benny came in he had something behind his back. "Whatcha got?" I asked facing the door. "A hoodie for you." "I'm not cold though." That was lie I'm always cold. "You see I know you're lying. You are always cold and always steal my blankets when you're at my house." He tossed me the hoodie. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. He ran to my bed and put the sweatshirt over me. "You're under my trap." He said threading my arms through the sleeves.
"Oh haha." I roll my eyes again. He walked over to the door smirking. He ran and flung himself onto the bed. Without any hesitation, he pulled me closer. "It's an honor to call you mine." He whispered softly. I smiled and looked out the window. A flash of lighting hit night sky, beautiful. Turns out it was a whole lighting shower I'll call it. They sky filled with purple and white for a while. We just sat from my bed, blanket draped around our shoulders, watching closely. I yawned for a bit and he noticed.
"Let's get to bed." He suggested. I nodded lied down. He pulled the covers over us and held me like he did at the treehouse and everything felt ok. Until it didn't. In the middle of the night I had a nightmare, not one that's physically scary just emotionally scary. I felt this thing looming over me mentally. Telling me the usual but this time saying that Benny was using me, I was a game to him. I knew it wasn't true just everything started taking over and I didn't know what to do.
(DISCLAIMER! This is not someone trying to make the character be different. I've had dreams like this but I'm just horrible at describing things. This also IS NOT trying to make fun of people who have anxiety and things like it! I have it personally and as I said I'm trying to make her more like me, just wanted to get that out there.)
I woke up in a cold sweat, Benny holding a flashlight pointed up at the wall staring at me with concern. "Y/n are you ok?" He asked me grabbing my hand. I shrugged, sometimes it's yes and sometimes it's no. He hugged me over the neck and kept checking if I was ok. It took about 5 minutes for me to work up the courage to tell him. __________________________________
To my luck Benny understood everything. He did ask questions but only to make sure everything was right. Unlike most people in town, he didn't want to run away or send me somewhere. With the nightmare, I explained what other kinds of things I have. The one that hurt him the most was my body dismorphia and old habits...
"At the pool when I didn't go in the water, there as a reason. I've realized that I've developed a form of body dismorphia. I didn't want to go into the water since I thought that I wasn't pretty enough, and that everyone would say I needed to lay off the food. That's also why whenever I do wear my swimsuit, I try to cover my stomach and my thighs as much as a can. When my parents are here that's all Mom talks about. When I fainted on the pool day, part of it was the heat, and the other part was I wasn't eating much. I'm trying to heal but every time I make some sort of progress, it's 3 steps forward and 2 steps back." I told him fiddling with my hands and looking at my feet dangling from the bed.
When I turned to him, he had tears in his eyes. "I'm so sorry. You don't deserve that. You are so beautiful, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. Your parents are assholes, we know that. But I guarantee if you did go in the water, no one would've noticed. Well I would've but only to admire, the only "judgement" people would have, is telling you that you look fantastic. Have you been eating more since the incident?" He questioned taking my hand. I nodded quickly. When I lied back down Benny started kissing my stomach through my shirt.
It was a bit strange but it also made me feel loved. And that's all I've wanted for as long as I can remember. And it was a dream that he was the one loving me. We spent the next few hours just talking about my mental health, and anything after that. Finally I had someone other than my brother who'd listen.
Jeez that got pretty heavy there huh? But it was for a reason and personally I liked it. I wanted to show that people who struggle with Mental Health issues can deal with it but also not show it. I tried extremely hard to pick my words correctly that everyone (and myself) would like. I kinda based this chapter off of me, ok a lot off of me. But I think it was the right call, idk let me know. Anyway working on the next one bye!- StrangelyMax
