kidults.

08 | don't cry, appa

—— 2042, 6 august
* please skip this chapter if you cannot handle abuse.

jo remembers the time when he heard the glass shattering with a loud boom entering his ears as tears immediately clouded his sight. he remembers feeling sharp nails impaling themselves into his skin, he cried as the woman above him swung her hand.
"please don't hurt me!" he would cry out, covering his head instinctively as the woman people told him to call 'mother' screamed and cursed at him.

jo remembers walking into his room limping, scars littering around his arms and legs as blood seeped through his clothing he would change out of. he could still remember crying to himself during the cold nights where the window he couldn't close blew in snow and he would freeze and shiver when feeling the cold hitting his skin.

he grew numb to the constant beating, hoping that his real parents would find him even when he was in another country.

he would pray.
"mummy, she's hurting me everyday. she pulled my hair today, called him a cunt and useless because i fell when handing her tea.. m-mummy, please. i miss you so much. i wanna hear you sing for me during the night again, i want to see you.
daddy, she's so cruel.. i don't know how many days as it been since they told me that she was gonna be my new mummy.. i don't.. like her.. she hurts me.. she makes my skin bleed and makes do what she wants.. i.. i miss you.. please..

please.. find me.."

the day he heard sirens outside the house, his eyes had lost hope. he laid there limp on the bed, numb to the feeling of his bleeding body until the door bursted open and he felt the officer scoop him into his arms, panicking as he told others to immediately rush him to the hospital and arrest those who had told the poor boy that this woman was his new mother in this foreign place he didn't belong to.

he passed out in the officer's arms due to the loss of blood from his stomach wound.

when he awoke, he expected to see his two parents— his mummy and daddy. but instead he saw two men, "wh..o.."
that day, he was told his birth-parents died in a fire, and before they did, they told two men to take care of their son and those two men would soon become his appa and otosan.
he soon moved back to his home country, living by the country-side as his appa and otosan who never left his side.

his appa would stay by his side even in sleep, making sure that jo didn't watch up to the same recurring nightmares of the woman clawing at his skin, punching small blood holes in his skin that he would soon grow to hate.
the only other person he find himself fascinated by was the idol in the screen, and his appa and otosan promised little jo that he would meet her someday.

his appa and otosan never forced him to talk about his birth-parents, only saying that if jo was curious and strong enough, they would tell him what had happened during that night. every detail from their story modeled into what jo would know of his birth parents now.

he would still have nightmares, but his appa and otosan would comfort him every night, making sure that the boy didn't cry during the night anymore.

"what are you thinking about, dear?" asked his appa as he took a seat besides jo.
"nothing, appa."

there's no tears visible in his eyes, nothing that would send his appa into a spiral of worries for the boy he treated like his son. jo couldn't see his appa worrying so much, to the point that his appa would hyperventilate on the floor trying to calm himself down.

he did it once, and the moment stuck to him like glue.

"are you thinking about your parents? or your.. childhood..?" his appa nervously asked, each breath he took in shakier than the last.
"i.." jo looked at his appa nervously, shutting his mouth immediately the moment his appa leaned back, taking deep breaths in to calm his beating heart.

his appa turned to the scenery in front of him, "you were, weren't you jojo?"

his eyes darted down then, looking at his hands with sad eyes, "your mom told us that night, that they knew where you were and we told them to get you back quickly, but they told us that.. someone knew of them knowing, and was planning to burn them in a fire. i'm sure you knew that you were kidnapped because you were only seven that time.
they told your otosan and i that they needed us to take care of you, because your mother knew i was a lawyer and was able to put you under my protective care instantly.

that night, under your parents' order, we booked a flight to that place, and immediately told the police everything they needed to find you before it was too late." he turned to his son, taking jo's arm in his hands as he lifted up the sleeve.
the dark spots of scarring still stayed there, tattooed to his skin like he was born with it.

deeper and bigger wound showed wrinkling skin, and small wounds only left a dark mark. "she's so cruel to do this to my son.." his appa traced his scars, tears brimming his eyes as he took both arms in his, "my poor baby."
he said the last part of his sentence when his appa's hands found his way up to his face, "you suffered so much."

the tears fell from his eyes, landing on jo's first ever scar the first day he was kidnapped. it was crescent shaped, but as his appa's tears fell from his eyes down to his outstretched arms, he could notice something.

the crescent caught his tears, and jo felt the need to hug his appa— to comfort him like how his appa comforted him during those nights of trauma and tears. he embraced him, hugging him tightly as his appa cried on his shoulder.
"appa, please don't cry.. i hate seeing you cry."

—— 🍒 author's notes
i don't think this is angst but i'll call it angst
im sorry jo☹️☹️