𝗂𝖿 𝗂 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗅𝖽 𝖿𝗂𝗑 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 | 𝗝𝗨𝗟𝗜𝗘𝗡 𝗕𝗔𝗞𝗘𝗥

𝟬𝟭𝟰 - 𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗦 𝗢𝗡 𝗠𝗘

❝𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯 𝘦𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘺 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘦❞

ꨄ

𝗝𝗨𝗟𝗬 𝟭𝟰𝗧𝗛 , 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯
𝗟𝗢𝗦 𝗔𝗡𝗚𝗘𝗟𝗘𝗦 , 𝗖𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗔
𝟰:𝟬𝟴 𝗣𝗠

It had been a week since Julien and Kiana broke up, and a week since the internet lost their minds. Every news outlet was covering the situation as if it were the most important topic ever. Neither singer could step foot outside without getting swarmed by the paparazzi who did nothing but ask thousands of questions.

Kiana had lost all of her friends as a result of her stupidity, but losing Jo killed her the most. The two had been best friends since childhood; they were practically sisters. The only people in her corner was her family, but her family couldn't abandon her as easily as her friends had, they had no choice but to stay. The only friend that stood by her side through it all was Jack. Kiana desperately wanted to hate Jo for leaving after spending practically their whole lives together, but she couldn't bring herself to.

Kiana laid in bed with the covers up to her neck wasting away. She'd shut her phone off after being fed up with the constant buzzing of notifications coming through. Kiana had only seen a handful of tweets and comments about her. Her days consisted of laying in bed and writing songs, she'd already written enough to fill an entire wall.

There was a sudden knock at the front door, which Kiana ignored, but the knocking wouldn't stop. The artist threw the covers off her body and groaned as she made her way to the door.

"What do you- " Kiana cut herself off once she opened the door. "Dad?"

"Hey sweetheart," J.R spoke, "Can I come in?"

Kiana stepped aside to allow him inside, "I guess so" J.R had been stopping by to check in on his daughter, it was almost like a free therapy session. "Welcome to my humble abode, if you don't like the mess you can clean it yourself"

"I'm not here to lecture you about the cleanliness of your apartment" He looked around the place admitting in his mind that it could use a deep clean. Dishes were piled at the sink and the trash can was overflowing, which had caused the apartment to develop an obvious stench. "I just came to check in on you, that's all"

J.R was quick to notice the pieces of paper that decorated the walls of her apartment, each one with lyrics and chords scribbled on them. There were a couple pages that had seemed to have tear stains on them, making J.R frown at the sight of them.

"They're not ready yet"

J.R took his eyes off the wall of lyrics and turned to face his daughter. "What?"

Kiana nodded at the pieces of paper taped to her walls, "The songs, I might change some of the lyrics"

"Can I read one?" J.R asked, earning a slight nod from Kiana. He gently took a paper down that had been titled Always.

What am I supposed to do without you?
Is it too late to pick the pieces up?
Too soon to let them go?
Do you feel damaged just like I do?
Your face, it makes my body ache
It won't leave me alone

And why does this feel like drowning?
Trouble sleeping
Restless dreaming

J.R felt gutted just reading the lyrics, Kiana never truly allowed herself to open up to him or anyone else in her life, but when it came to her music she was an open book.

You're in my head
Always, always
I just got scared
Away, away
I'd rather choke on my bad decisions
Than just carry them to my grave
You're in my head
Always, always, always
Always, always

"This is- It's amazing. What could you possibly want to change about this?" J.R questioned as he taped it back onto the wall.

Kiana shrugged, "I don't know"

"Has anyone seen these?"

She shook her head and frowned at the thought that not a single soul loved her enough to stick around, much less read a song she wrote. "No, just you"

"Not even Jack?"

"He doesn't even know I've been writing songs" Kiana said, going over to the wall and gliding her fingers across the taped up pages. "Everybody hates me, remember?"

"Not everyone," He assured Kiana.

"Nope, I'm pretty sure everybody does. Even my own brother hates my guts, he hasn't spoken to me for a week"

J.R tilted his head in confusion, "Marcus hasn't spoken to you?" For a week he'd been under the assumption that Marcus had at least checked in on his older sister.

"Everybody hates me," Kiana repeated, "Even my own brother" A soft chuckle escaped her lips, nothing about her situation was laughable, but the thought that even her own brother despised her was like a knife to the heart that all she could do was laugh.

Kiana's eyes wandered over to her guitar that sat in the corner of her apartment collecting dust. She'd wanted to smash that guitar into bits and pieces. The giant "Queer Joy" sticker was a constant reminder of Julien. The sticker had been a gift from Julien. Kiana mentioned how she wasn't the biggest fan of stickers on laptops or guitars, so she'd gotten a giant custom made "Queer Joy" sticker and stuck it on Kiana's guitar.

"Look, dad, I really appreciate you checking in on me but I'm okay. I'll be okay"

J.R knew Kiana wasn't being honest, but anyways he nodded and headed out the door. Kiana walked towards the wall of lyrics and sat in front of it, looking up at the pages and pages of songs she'd written the past week. There were only a few songs that had titles as of right now; Always, Best Part Of Me, Be My Mistake, and High Infidelity. She grabbed a page that contained an unfinished song and stared at the words for a moment before grabbing a pen and writing the rest of the song. Kiana may not have known it yet but that song would change her life completely.

𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 !
I still refuse to believe boygenius is disbanding. at least I got to see them live in June. but like I just KNOW we're gonna get some amazing solo stuff

ALSO GRACIES COVER OF AMERICAN TEENAGER??? LIKE HELLO??? SHES BEATING THE WHISPER ALLEGATIONS ONCE AGAIN