Swan Song

Fourteen

We'll be carrying each other
Until we say goodbye on our dying day
Because I've got you brother
—————

Everything was a blur.

A sea of navy blue.

A flag being handed to my parents.

Somehow, none of it had seemed like enough.

Owen had deserved so much more and Oliver and I had both known it. I hammered my wings into the top of Owen's coffin with the heel of my hand just as the missing man formation flew overhead and I fought my hardest not to cry.

Owen had posthumously been awarded the rank of Captain, something that was to be awarded to him within the coming weeks and he had been so excited about it.

The funeral ended and Oliver had to try and pry our mom away from clinging to Owen's coffin once his service had ended and I was desperate to get away, brokenhearted by watching our mom sob on the ground after losing her oldest child.

Other than at the funeral, I hadn't seen my squadron since the ball but they all had understood the need for my absence. Everyone knew just how close that the Kazansky family was so they knew to give me my space and that I'd be back when I felt like I was mentally able to.

"Odette."

I turned in the direction that I heard my name being called and saw Javy standing alone.

"I am so sorry about your brother," he said softly. "So sorry."

He turned to walk away and Jake walked towards me, pulling me into his arms.

"I know it's hard but he'd want you to keep pushing on," Jake whispered as he held me tight.

Tears began to freely flow from my eyes and Jake kissed the top of my head. He had known how devastated I had been, especially after watching Owen die right in front of us, and I knew he wanted to support my family and I but he didn't know how.

"Can I bring your family some lunch?" Jake offered. "I assume you're going to your parents house."

"I think I need to be alone for a little bit," I admitted. "Every time I'm there, I can hear my mom crying and it just makes it hurt that much more."

"What do you need, 'Dette?" Jake pled. "What can I do to help you through this?"

"Bring my brother back."

I was numb and I knew Jake wanted to help but I didn't know what would be helpful. I wanted to go back to five days earlier when everything still made sense but that was clearly impossible.

I think Jake could tell that I was completely lost and rather than continuing to press me with questions, he pulled me into his arms, holding me firmly. For the first time since Owen died, I finally felt like I was able to break down and not have to be the one to hold everybody else together.

"I've got you," Owen soothed me, his fingers twirling around the end of my braid. "You're okay."

I squeezed Jake, holding myself steady. Together we heard my mom scream as my dad and Oli helped her to the car, her sobs seeming to echo through the cemetery.

"Come on. You're coming with me," Jake said, gently pulling me by my hand.

Jake got me into his truck and we trailed behind my parents, following them out of the cemetery before turning in the opposite direction. I sat in silence, staring out of the window with my head against the glass until we got to Jake's house.

Understanding that I wanted silence, at least for a little bit, he quietly got me out of the truck and escorted me inside.

Once I realized that Jake's house had the same layout as mine, the first place I went was up to his room to find a change of clothes. Without caring that Jake was watching me, I fought to get out of my uniform and pulled the shirt on, finally feeling comfortable for the first time that day.

"What can I grab you?" Jake questioned as I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, falling back after taking a deep breath.

"Can I just sleep for a little bit?" I replied, closing my eyes. "I'm so tired."

"I'll be downstairs," Jake replied. "You get all the rest that you need, 'Dette."

"Stay," I pled, my eyes still closed. "Please?"

Jake quickly swooped me into his arms, laying me correctly on the bed before tossing his cap to the side and undressing down to his green undershirt and shorts.

"Come here," he muttered, pulling me against his chest.

Safe in Jake's arms, I was finally able to get the best sleep possible after the worst five days of my life.

When I finally woke up hours later, Jake was nowhere to be found. I got up and wandered around his house in search of him and found him coming through the front door with his arms full.

"What's this?" I questioned, my brows pulled together in confusion.

"Oliver called while you were sleeping. I answered your phone and he told me you hadn't eaten anything in days so I ran down to chipotle and grabbed you something for when you woke up," Jake admitted with a small smile. "He mentioned that it's your favorite so I couldn't not make sure you were fed."

"That's really sweet of you, Jake. Thank you."

"Now come on," he chuckled, walking past me towards the living room. "You're going to tell me everything I need to know when it comes to watching you skate."

"Skate?" I questioned. "Oh frick. The competition."

I sank down into the couch, burying my head in my hands as I remembered that I had nine days to get with Matt and work on choreography for the ice dance finals.

"You have a week," Jake reminded me. "But before you can do any of that, you need energy, Odette. You need to eat."

"I know," I sighed, tears beginning to well up in my eyes once more. "I just miss my brother, Jake."

"He did what he did for you, you can't forget that."

"And I won't," I muttered, wiping my tears with the back of my hand. "I know it's morbid but my brothers and I always used to think we'd die in combat, not where we grew up."

"He was so happy to be able to spend time with you while you were all here together and he was happy that we reconciled. He told me that himself." 

I had no clue what to even say. From what I had known, Owen couldn't stand Jake so hearing that Owen had approved of us sent a chill down my spine.

"Thank you for being there for me today," I said softly, snuggling up to Jake,  my head resting on his shoulder.

"I'll always be there, Dette. I promise that you can count on me."

I turned my head slightly and looked up at Jake, holding his gaze for a long moment before he cupped my cheek and softly pressed his lips against mine.

"Be with me, Odette," he muttered against my lips. "Be mine."

"All yours," I whispered back against his lips.