Swan Song

Fifteen

I got too much on my mind right now.
Too much going down right now.
Will I wake up before I hit the ground?
———————

Monday quickly came and I knew that despite not feeling ready to get back into the world, I knew I needed to and lack of doing so would make me spiral.

After a less than enthusiastic pep talk with my bathroom mirror, I showered and quickly braided my hair before throwing on some eyeliner and mascara.

With the slightest bit of hesitation, I pulled my flight suit on and drove to work, pausing in the parking lot before finally pulling into a parking spot.

"You can do this, Odette," I muttered to myself with a sigh.

Once I had climbed out of my jeep, I walked inside and found Mav already talking to our squadron with my entrance interrupting him.

"Lieutenant Kazansky, it's good to see you," Mav said softly, forcing a smile. "Have a seat."

"Thanks," I muttered almost inaudibly, quickly finding a seat behind Rooster and Phoenix.

As our squadron had been excused from being briefed to get our jets prepped, Mav grabbed my arm before I could leave the room.

"Are you sure you're okay with being back, Odette?" He questioned, his gaze softening.

"I'm fine," I replied harshly as I pulled my arm from his grasp. "I'm just here to do my job."

"Dette," Mav sighed. "I understand you're going through an extremely tough time and I wouldn't hold it against you if you chose to go through those doors and go back home."

"It's too quiet," I replied.

"I meant to your parents house."

"Too loud," I muttered.

"They'd want to see you and make sure you're okay. They haven't seen you since the funeral. Just go home, Odette."

It wasn't like Mav to try and talk me out of working so I knew that something had to be up but it didn't take long for me to figure out what it was.

"Oh my god," I muttered before looking back to Mav with a piercing glare, my mouth slightly open.

"Hmm?"

"You're trying to keep me from flying, aren't you? You're trying to keep me from anything that could hurt me too."

"Your parents are already a wreck, Dette. Just ease back into things," Mav said softly, almost soothingly.

"I've already taken too long off."

"You're your father's daughter," Mav chuckled before sighing. "I'm so sorry, Odette."

"He always had to be the hero."

"Your brother loved you, you know that, right?" My godfather questioned, my gaze finding his.

"I know he did," I sighed. "Mom always used to call me his baby because he used to try and be the one to take care of me when we were little."

Mav and I both laughed and I quickly wiped my tears away.

"He may have been an asshole at times but I miss him," I added.

"Now you and Oliver have to take extra care of one another."

I nodded and held my hands together.

"I've been going stir crazy at home. I can't be at their house because mom is a wreck and I can't be at mine because I'm losing my mind. Please let me fly," I pled. "I need this."