Honestly, why am I here? Why must I be living at this very moment. I just cannot take this. I just can't. I do not want to live anymore. I do not want to breathe, eat, sleep, walk, run, sit, stand, eliminate, cry, laugh, or feel anymore. Why am I saying this? Why am I thinking this way? What's happening to me.
All my will power is gone at the moment. I cannot trust myself at all. I could do anything right now. I have to snap out of this, I really have to, but how? My dear friend, if I don't stop thinking this way, tomorrow morning, I may not even be here.
Oh lord, Jesus. Somebody help me. I do not know what is going on. Everything was fine this morning. I woke up and went for a walk. I had lunch and went to the book store to buy a new book. Maybe that is when it happened. My uncle was talking to me. He told me I had to start getting a full time job after school for a few hours. How am I suppose to balance school, homework, work, sleeping, getting things for my mother, helping my family, cleaning, and baby sitting. How am I going to do all of this. My uncle didn't stop there though, he began talking about my parents, one of the roughest things to ever talk about with me. I should not be here, my parents did not want me. I was but a mistake. I should not be living. I should not be writing to you at this very moment, yet I am. Why?
My dear friend, if by chance I keep this state of mind, this may be the last time we talk.
"Alex, control yourself." I keep trying to make myself stop but I cannot. I am so frightened. My mind is whirling with numerous and numerous thoughts. My body is shaking in fear and agony. Wanting to die has never been so craved by my mind and body so badly as it is tonight. I don't think I can control myself but I must for you. Oh, my dear, I wish you were with me at this very moment. I could use a friend to comfort me.
Should I sleep? Yes. Maybe sleeping will be good to do. My mind will be distracted for a little while. I guess I am going to sleep or at least hopefully try to. I am sorry, my love. I am sorry if I let you down. I am trying with everything I can to relax and get a clear mind. Oh, I love you, friend. I love you very much. You listened to me even when you didn't need to. You listened even after I had warned you time after time. I knew this day was a possibility. I am so sorry.
YOU ARE READING
Letters From Society's Creation
Non-FictionHello and welcome. You can call me Alex. I'm extremely pleased to meet you, if that's the right term to use, since technically we haven't met. Anyway, before you go any further, I'd like to warn you. You're stepping into a dangerous and crazy place...
