Bully stepbrother

89. Holiday

CADEN

Martha's car was quiet, filled with the soft warmth of the heater. She wanted to say something but kept hesitating, twisting in her seat, unsure how to begin. Mad, meanwhile, didn't care about her mother's presence. She had turned toward me, her hands gripping mine, warm and steady, her eyes filled with concern. They reminded me that I needed to be okay for her.

I tried to bury what had just happened, like I always did with other things. But this time... it didn't work. The memory refused to stay locked away.

She offered me a small, tentative smile that says, she's here, and it'll be okay. I love her. I returned the smile, squeezing her hand in response, and caught Martha peeking at us through the rearview mirror.

I wondered what she thought about Mad and me. I wished I could care about that too, but the car felt suffocating, the air heavy and tight, and I couldn't breathe.

"Can I have a minute?" I mumbled. Martha peeked again, and Mad's brows drew together in concern as she nodded.

"What do you need?" she whispered.

"I need a walk. I'll meet you later," I said, as the car slowed near a small park.

"Okay," Mad said softly, though her eyes still carried that sharp, quiet worry I hated to see.

"Darling," Martha started, "could you meet us at the park when you're ready? Maddie and I need to have a chat too." I nodded at her, then offered Mad a reassuring smile. She returned it with a faint frown, and it twisted my stomach.

The moment I stepped out, the cold hit me like a wall, biting into my bones.

A supermarket nearby beckoned, and it is actually what I need. I went in and straight to the cereal aisle, aiming for Lucky Charms. My favorite or maybe Cara's, once.

At the checkout, I grabbed a fresh-cut lily bouquet too. The total barely reached a hundred dollars, but the stares at my bruised, battered face were endless.

Screw them and their gossip.

I hailed a cab and rode to Cara's resting place. I couldn't be in New York without visiting her. Back before I left here, I visited her every day after school. Sometimes even after dinner, when dad would make nothing into something just to kick me from the table.

The cemetery was quiet today, I guess it's because of the weather. Snow dusted the graves, only enough to hint at winter's presence. Few people wandered the paths, good for the privacy I need.

I knelt by the young girl's grave, remembering how much she loved flowers. Dad and I used to spoil her with them, and she'd twirl, so happy it made my chest ache with something I can't name. She used to love everything, I can't name one thing she hates.

Now she was gone. I was left with no mother, no father, and worst, no twin.

I set the bouquet down gently, slowed my breathing.

Loving Sister, read the stone, among with other things that matter to our parents but not to me, except her name and date.

Blinking back tears, I tore open the cereal box and shoved a few pieces into my mouth.

It's been months since I've had them, and it tastes nostalgic.

"I don't know... Lucky Charms used to taste better eight years ago," I said softly, almost to myself.

Silence followed, of course she's dead. I kept chewing though.

"I have good news. Don't judge," I said, closing my eyes from embarrassment. "I... I love Mad. The Madison I told you I hated. I love her. And she... she loves me a little. Mine's... a lot. She just won't admit it. All that stuff I used to complain about... how infuriating she is? Scratch that. Do not judge me, Cara. I'm figuring it out. Learning to feel, damn that's hard to admit. I'm a young man discovering emotions, that's all I will say."