I'm Sorry

Was it Meant to be?

Taylor's POV

"Mom?" I heard my daughters voice from the other side of the door.

I stayed staring at the blood on our bedsheets. Numb. I didn't know how to feel, I didn't know what to feel. I couldn't let Elisa see me like this.

I forced myself to get up and carefully, but painfully made my way to my bathroom.

"Mom? Are you okay? Why can't I come in?" She calls again trying to turn the door handle.

I strip my clothes off, trying to clean myself as fast as I could. "Just wait honey, I'm doing something!" I yell from the bathroom. This would traumatize her, I know it.

"What happened?" I hear Joe's voice outside with Elisa's.

I look at my blood stained shorts on the floor of our bathroom, silent tears running down my face. I wanted this baby, I came to the realization that I finally wanted it and I just lost it.

"Babe!" I hear Joe as he burst through our bathroom door and Elisa right behind him, both staring at me with shocked faces.

Elisa's eyes move to the bloody shorts on the ground and gasps and runs out of our room.

I shake my head and I finally collapse onto the ground, Joe catching me just in time.

"Shh.... you're going to be okay." He whispers as he holds onto me tightly.

"I did this, I can't believe I lost our baby. I'm so sorry!" I sob into his arms as he sways us.

"Don't you dare blame yourself!" He states and helps me stand up.

I needed a moment to be alone, to take everything in. Joe started to clean our bed sheets and I threw my other pair of clothes away, there was too much blood, it wasn't worth it.

I stood in the corner as I watched Joe putting on our new sheets in silence.

Elisa. My daughter.

I walk out of our bedroom and look for my daughter. I opened her bedroom door and she was no where to be found, which caused me to frown. I slowly made my way down the stairs and saw her sitting by the island.

I sigh and slowly walk up to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind and she melts into them.

"I'm so sorry Mom" she says and I feel hot tears fall onto my arms. I turn her around so she's facing me, placing a soft kiss onto her forehead.

I shake my head, "It wasn't meant to be baby. It's okay." I say as she sticks her head into the crook of my neck never letting me go. I stay in this position for awhile, just holding her as close as I could. I just lost my baby, but I was holding onto my first baby that was alive and perfectly healthy.

This whole experience made me appreciate her more. Everything happened so fast, I felt like it was definitely a sign.

"You're all I need, as of right now." I whisper into her ear and she lets out a sob against my chest. I hold her head, running my hand down her back and just try to comfort her. She shouldn't of saw her me like that, especially in the bathroom with the blood.

"I love you Mommy." She says as she pulls away from our embrace and I see her red tearful eyes which makes me want to cry even harder.

-

The whole day, I just spent with Elisa laying in her bed. Thinking of everything that we've done together. All of her accomplishments in life, when she won her first spelling bee, got an A on her essay that caused her tears, to her learning to ride a bike for the first time.

To protecting her my whole life, when I feared of introducing her to the world, scared of what they would do to her, scared of what she would see or hear. I didn't realize how much I needed her in my life probably more than she needed me.

"Mom, can I be homeschooled?" She asked suddenly.

I looked down at her, "Why honey? Is something wrong with your school?" I ask scared for the answer.

She sighs, "Not really, I just don't really think I belong. The kids there are just... different, the teachers don't understand me. I don't like it."

"Okay, I'll talk about it with your father." I tell her. There was no way I was going to let my kid keep going to school if this is how she feels. Especially after her last detention and getting injured, never again.

"I'm sorry I'm such a burden on you guys." She says sinking more into my side.

I gasp, "Baby, look at me, you aren't a burden and you never were or will be. You got it? I don't want to hear you saying that." I tell her shocked that that came out of her mouth.

Joe and I were really going to need to have a long conversation about all of the event that happened today.

I softly sang Elisa to sleep, she needed it after this morning. When I was sure that she was out, I quietly stepped out of her room, finding Joe sitting on our bed smiling at me.