The Deep End ✔️

13 - bury me alive

i simply don't have
the patience for single updates
so double AGAIN
smoochies

—

Do you know that feeling of absolute disconnect from everybody surrounding you? Of feeling alone in a crowded room? I stared at all my friends, some as close as family, and felt like they weren't even there. Or maybe it was me who wasn't there.

Maybe it was the sobriety. I was used to having some sort of liquid courage to keep me company in social settings. I tried to remind myself that it was for the best that I was sober. The risk of humiliating myself again like last time was far too likely when I was drunk. But not having that social safety net that was a comfortable buzz or even a tipsy warmth made being around all these people that much harder.

I didn't get out much at home. There was a bar next to my apartment building that I frequented almost every night. That was the extent of my social life. The bartenders knew me by name and I knew their closing schedule. Britt closed Monday through Friday and on the weekends was straight-hunk-Adam. I'd sit alone and sip my whiskey Cokes and mind my business for a few hours.

So to be back here, with no drink to keep my hand warm, was hard.

"And my mom is probably going to start a fight with my uncle again," Joey was saying. I wasn't paying much attention. Other than the fact that I was disassociating on the spot, I kept making eye contact with not only Dallas, but also Shelby.

That worried me. Did he tell her? If so, did she not care?

Carlos came and saved me from whatever boring topic of conversation Joey was moving onto. "I am druuunk. I'm Meek drunk," he cheered, sitting half on my lap on the couch.

"Oh, boy," I said blandly.

"I love you, man," Carlos cried, living up to his reputation of being affectionate when inebriated. I patted his leg. "I mean it. You mean the world to me. I will never forget the time you looked at that pimple on my balls for me."

Okay, that made me laugh. "You should keep that to yourself, buddy," I said, shoving his rag doll body away from me.  He stumbled off the couch and over to Erick, surely to spit off some of the same love he just gave me.

I excused myself to the food table to get some more. There wasn't anyone in the dining room when I got there, so I easily maneuvered from Crockpot to Crockpot. Just as I popped a dip covered tortilla chip into my mouth, Shelby joined me in the room. I didn't say a word, just glanced at the nearest door and planned my getaway. Maybe one more miniature quiche first.

"Meek, right?" Shelby asked. "We didn't properly meet last time."

I looked up at her like a deer in headlights. "Uh, yeah," I managed to say. It wasn't fair how beautiful she was. Her hair, though wildly curly, was tamed in a manner that accentuated her natural beauty. All of those freckles told a story across her cheeks. Her smile made my heart ache; I knew what it would do to men like Dallas.

"I wanted to say something," she said, warm eyes trained on my face. I popped another bite of food into my mouth to suppress my distaste for this entire scene. "Dallas told me about what happened between you guys."

I froze. My entire body flushed with heat and I thought, This can't be happening. I glanced back at the doorway, wondering if anyone would come and intervene before the cat fight started. Surely, that was what this was.

My mouth opened, but hardly anything of value came out. "Oh, uh . . . I'm sorry."

Shelby's eyebrows furrowed. "Don't be. I was glad he was open about what happened that summer and, honestly, it didn't surprise me all that much. I had a feeling when he started talking about getting into LGBTQ+ law—" She stopped there, as if she was going off on a tangent. I wished she hadn't. "I'm missing the point. I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know I have no hard feelings towards you, so long as it's mutual. The past is the past, right?"