breathe

chapter 5 | benjamin

Chapter Five

Benjamin

The empty halls of the school seemed to echo more than usual as I walked them. It was like Charlotte's absence had drained all the life and noise from the place. I couldn't focus at all during classes, my mind constantly drifting to thoughts of her.

On my first day back at basketball practice, I dragged myself to the gym, dreading the conversation I knew was coming. Coach had been waiting for me with his arms crossed as I came through the doors. "You missed two weeks of practice, Thomas," he had said gruffly. "This team is counting on you. I let it slide this time because of your friend, but no more excuses."

I had just nodded, bracing myself. Coach had a tough exterior, but I knew he cared deeply about each player. His frustration came from wanting our team to succeed. I ran laps to make up for lost time, my thoughts turning to how generous and kind Anna was to let me borrow Charlotte's car, Smurfie, until things improved with Dad.

Smurfie the Subaru had faded blue paint with patches of rust peeking through. But Charlotte loved the car, decorating it with Taylor Swift bumper stickers and fuzzy dice hanging from the rearview mirror. Driving it now, I felt like a piece of her was with me, keeping me company on the lonely ride to and from school each day.

"Where are you going?" Charlotte asked curiously from the couch as I began tying my sneakers. She had seen me get ready to leave before, but only for school in the morning.

"Ash is threatening to run me over with his truck if I don't show up at his party tonight," I replied with a small smile, hoping to lighten the mood. We both knew Ash would never actually do that, but he could be persistent about these things.

When I met Charlotte's gaze, I saw a flicker of hope among the sadness. "Can I come?" she asked in a quiet voice. After being confined to the house for so long, I figured she was searching for an opportunity to go out.

I sat down beside her and took her icy hands in mine, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I don't think a big party is the best idea for you right now, love. It might be overwhelming in a crowd," I said gently, brushing a lock of hair from her face. I still thought her short curls were adorable, but I knew she hated how they looked.

"I thought maybe being around people, distracting myself for a while, might help get my mind off things," she murmured softly.

I leaned in closer and spoke gently but firmly. "Charlotte, I want to protect you," I said. "I care too much about you to see you get hurt. Large parties can be overwhelming, and I don't want anything triggering difficult emotions right now."

"Oh my God," she stared at me with wide, hurt eyes. "You think I'm an alcoholic?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, taken aback by her assumption. "Who said that? You know I'd never think that."

She sighed heavily, pulling her hands from mine to hug herself tightly. "Never mind," she murmured, eyes downcast. Before I could respond, she abruptly stood up.

"I get it, you don't trust me. Go have fun at your stupid party then." With that, she rushed upstairs with slammed footsteps.

I sat stunned, pondering how to fix the situation. All I wanted was to support her through this painful time, yet my words seemed only to make things worse. There had to be a better way to show how much I cared without coming across as distrustful or controlling.

I ran after her, but she had locked the door. "Charlotte," I called from behind the door, twisting the handle as if it would magically unlock by itself. "Char, come on, open the door. That's not what I meant."