breathe

chapter 20 | charlotte

Chapter Twenty

Charlotte

"Charmander, what do you want to eat?"

"Huh?" I glanced up from my laptop, annoyed by the interruption. My family and I had been stuck at the airport for hours as our flight was delayed. Sleeping here wasn't how I wanted to spend the night.

"Do you want food?" Ben repeated, moving closer to me. He was standing in front of me.

"I'm not hungry," I muttered, hoping he'd take the hint.

But Ben stood firm. "You need to eat something."

"If I eat, I'll vomit," I told him. My stomach was in knots as Ivy Day decisions loomed.

Ben frowned but didn't press further. We glared at each other, each too stubborn to back down first.

My laptop dinged, drawing my attention. As I waited for updates on new flights, my mind wandered to the college acceptance emails that would be arriving soon. Harvard and MIT were my top choices – they were close to Ben's school. But what if neither accepted me?

I had also applied to UPenn, Vanderbilt, and Princeton for shits and giggles.

I clicked open on the notification, anxiety rising. Could it be a decision already?

It was a stupid spam email.

I looked back up at Ben, but he had moved to the seat next to me. "I don't understand why you're so nervous," he said, rubbing my back in a comforting way. "You already got into your dream school."

I stared at my laptop again, biting the inside of my cheek. Yale had always been my dream school, and I had been so closed off to even considering other schools. But then Ben and I started dating, and I was struggling with him being only thirty minutes away. How the hell was I supposed to manage with him two hours away?

I took a deep breath and confessed, "I just wanna be closer to you."

"Char," he said softly. "I want to support whatever choice makes you happiest. But I also don't want you passing up your dream school for me. That's too big a sacrifice. And I don't want you to resent me."

"I could never resent you," I assured him.

"Still," he said. "But no matter what happens, I'm here for you."

My laptop chimed then, the Princeton notification glaring up at me. My hand hovered over the trackpad, trembling as I struggled whether to click. What if it was a rejection?

I shoved my laptop on Ben's lap. "You open it," I told him anxiously. I hadn't expected to be that anxious over a school I didn't really want to go to.

I avoided looking at him and my laptop, my leg bouncing nervously as I waited for what he was going to say.

"'Dear Charlotte,'" he began, his tone solemn. He paused for a long ass time. If I didn't get into Princeton, there was no fucking way I was getting into Harvard. "Congrat–"

"Oh my God," I interrupted, letting out the breath I'd been holding. "You couldn't have just said, 'you got in?' You had to pause for dramatic effect?"

He chuckled at my reaction. "Why'd you apply to Princeton? You told me you would never set foot in New Jersey."

"For fun," I shrugged.

"You said, and I quote, 'it's like a fucking garbage truck on the beach.'"

"Obviously I'm not going there," I rolled my eyes. "But it's a big three. I just wanted to see if I could get in."