𝑭.𝑹.𝑰.𝑬.𝑵.𝑫.𝑺. (Jack x Alice/side Natasha x Clint)

Episode 17: The One with Two Parts (Part 2)

[Scene: An Emergency Room, Alice and Natasha enter. Alice is limping and leaning on Natasha for support.]

Alice: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

(They reach the desk. The bored nurse thinks she's heard it all before.)

Natasha: Hi. Uh, my friend here was taking down our Christmas lights, and and she fell off the balcony and may have broken her foot or or ankle or something.

Nurse: My god. You still have your Christmas lights up?

(Alice glares at the nurse, who gives Natasha a form attached to a clipboard.)

Nurse: Fill this out and bring it back to me.

(Natasha helps Alice over to a vacant seat.)

Alice: Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow. Ow ow ow.

(Natasha starts on the form, while Alice catches her breath and massages her ankle.)

Natasha: Okay, ooh, alright. Name, address... Okay, in case of emergency, call?

Alice: You.

Natasha: Really?

Alice: Yeah.

Natasha: Oh, that is so sweet. (Touched, she puts an arm around her friend and kisses her.) Oh gosh, love you. Insurance?

Alice: Oh, yeah, check it. Definitely, I want some of that.

Natasha: (No longer touched) you don't have insurance?

Alice: Why, how much is this gonna cost?

Natasha: I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be a couple hundred dollars.

Alice: Wel-wel-well what are we gonna do?

Natasha: Well there's not much we can do.

Alice: (Like a big baby) Um... unless, unless I use yours.

Natasha: Hah, no no no no no no no no no no.

Alice: (Tapping the clipboard) well, now, wait a second, who did I just put as my "In case of emergency" person?

Natasha: (Looking around to check that no-one's listening, then lowering her voice anyway) That's insurance fraud.

Alice: Well, alright, then, forget it. (Getting up to go) Might as well just go home. Ow ow ow ow!

Natasha: (Jumping up to make Rachel sit down) Okay, okay. I hate this.

Alice: Thank you. Thank you. I love you.

Natasha: (to the nurse) Hi, (tiny laugh) um, I'm gonna need a new set of (tiny laugh) these forms (tiny laugh).

Nurse: Why?

Natasha: (Tiny laugh) I am really an idiot. (Tiny laugh) you see, I was filling out my friend's form, and instead of putting her information, (tiny laugh) I put mine.

Nurse: You are an idiot. (She hands over a blank form).

Natasha: (Tiny laugh) yep, that's me, (tiny laugh) I am that stupid (tiny laugh).

[Scene: Central Perk, Clint, has split up his newspaper so Peter can look at the funnies, while Jack's inappropriate joke at Lamaze class has come back to haunt him.]

Jack: I had a dream last night where I was playing football with my kid.

Clint and Peter: That's nice.

Jack: No, no, with him. (He mimes holding the baby like a football.) I'm on this field, and they, they hike me the baby... and I, I know I've gotta do something 'cause the Tampa Bay defence is comin' right at me.