twelve :more than that

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a painful pass
-
Wooyoung watched the attorney's pen dance across the notepad, capturing his tangled emotions in ink. Unable to contain his curiosity, he finally mustered the courage to ask, "What are you writing down? Is it, like, all the bad things about me?"

The lawyer looked up, a reassuring smile softening the professional facade. "No, Wooyoung, I'm documenting our conversation, noting key points to better understand your situation. It's essential for building a strong case."

Wooyoung sighed audibly, the weight of the situation settling on his shoulders. He slumped into the chair, the plush cushion providing little comfort. "Even though I have the best boyfriend ever, why do I still want San?" he mumbled, as if questioning the universe itself.

The lawyer's gaze softened, recognizing the complexity of human emotions. "Feelings can be complicated, Wooyoung. It might be worthwhile to explore these thoughts with a therapist or even consider couple therapy."

Wooyoung groaned, the idea of therapy an unwelcome intrusion. "San would never. He's over me... It's been three years of us being separated. The relationship is dead."

His mind wandered back to the first time he saw San at Mingi's birthday party. A surge of nostalgia washed over him. His initial thought, a simple 'Who was that?' had set the course for a journey that now seemed light-years away.

Wooyoung's thoughts swirled, comparing and contrasting the last time he saw San with the man sitting across the table. San's jet-black hair, the new muscular build, a changed face, but those eyes remained a haunting constant. Dull and filled with a darkness that sent chills down Wooyoung's spine.

The lawyer's voice cut through his reverie. "If you told me that you guys were separated first..."

He shook off the uneasy feeling, refocusing on the conversation. "Separated or not, it doesn't change how complicated it all feels," he admitted, a tinge of vulnerability breaking through his defenses.

Wooyoung's words lingered in the air, heavy with unspoken truths and the lingering ache of a past he couldn't quite untangle. The lawyer's gaze, filled with understanding, met his, prompting a moment of shared vulnerability.

In that charged silence, Wooyoung found himself grappling with the complexities of his own heart. "I guess," he murmured, breaking the quiet, "I just never expected it to be this hard, even with Yeosang."

The lawyer's expression softened, a beacon of empathy in the otherwise sterile room. "Love isn't always straightforward, Wooyoung. It's messy, full of twists and turns. Sometimes, even when you've found something new, the past still lingers."

Wooyoung sighed, the weight of his emotions palpable. "Yeah, but I thought time would've erased all this... longing. San looks different now, so different from the last time I saw him. His eyes, though, they're like a constant reminder of what once was."

The lawyer leaned back, considering Wooyoung's words. "It might be helpful to explore these feelings, understand what they mean for you now. Closure doesn't always come neatly packaged; sometimes, we have to actively seek it."

The room, once a bastion of legal discussions, now held the air of an impromptu confessional. "Maybe," Wooyoung conceded, "it's time to confront the ghosts of the past, even if it feels like San has moved on."

The lawyer nodded, a silent acknowledgment of the tumultuous emotional journey ahead. As Wooyoung left the office, he carried with him not only the weight of legal proceedings but also the unresolved echoes of a love that refused to be neatly tucked away.
-
Wooyoung stepped out of the lawyer's office, the heavy door closing behind him with a muffled thud. The corridor stretched ahead like an uncertain path, each step carrying the weight of the revelations within. As he turned a corner, there, in the muted glow of the hallway, stood San.

His breath caught, memories flooding back in a rush. For a moment, time seemed suspended, and Wooyoung felt an inexplicable urge to run toward San, to beg for forgiveness, to apologize for everything.

Internally, a whirlwind of conflicting emotions churned. He wanted to spill apologies like unspoken secrets, to unravel the tangled threads of their past. Yet, he was tethered by the reality that San had moved on, that the echoes of their once-intertwined lives were now distant whispers.

Just as Wooyoung summoned the courage to speak, he blinked, and San was gone, leaving only the echo of footsteps fading into the hollowness of the corridor.

Wooyoung's phone buzzed in his pocket, a lifeline to the present. As he retrieved it, the screen illuminated with Yeosang's name. A pang of guilt struck him — the kind that twists your insides when you feel you've betrayed someone.

His mind wrestled with the contradiction of yearning for an unresolved past while standing on the precipice of a promising future with Yeosang. The weight of guilt settled on his shoulders as he answered the call, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice.

"Hey," Wooyoung said, forcing a smile he hoped would reach the other end of the line. But even in that moment, he couldn't shake the haunting feeling that he was mentally cheating, holding onto a past that no longer belonged to him, and Yeosang deserved more than that.

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