I keep hearing Thea's words in my head. 'its not your job to be okay anymore.'
i love her, i really do. she just doesnt understand. i have to be okay. not for me. for my mom. for emily.
its always been emily and me. we did everything together. she was everything. to everyone. especially jamie and gray. she had the whole school eating out of the palm of her hand. and i was there. so was thea. emily was the miracle child. the one who everyone loved and wanted for themselves. the one with all the attention. i never minded, i had her. that was enough for me.
now i have thea. and xander. and i guess avery? everyone always looks at me the same way, even without meaning to. im just your typical girl who lost her sister in a freak accident to do with her heart problems from birth. im just the typical person you would expect to have some kind if mental illness. at this point, even im not a hundred percent convinced i dont.
my thoughts are swirling in my head as i sit in the archive, trying to read. i set down the book, knowing im not getting anywhere and try to do my homework. i keep zoning out and looking at the clock to see that its almost lunch. shit. i have to help xander with his 'thing'. i do love xan but he can be a bit much at times. even when we were younger. i find myself smiling at the memories of the competitions he used to make to see who could solve the rubiks cube the fastest. of course, as youd expect, he won. every single time. back then i had no troubles. i just came and went, every christmas, every summer. not a care in the world. just my grandparents, the hawthornes, getting my hands dirty, and having fun. and, of course, emily. it was always my job to take care of her. ive never admitted this to anyone but sometimes, i liked having that job. it made my selfish fucking self feel important. it made me feel special. now i see how wrong that is. how messed up it was for me. how messed up ut still is. i know i need help. i just cant muster up the courage to ask for it.
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The Inheritance Games: Bad Things Happen To Everyone...
Fanfiction*slow updates* *very very slow" everything is going perfect. (the events of the books have happened) untill jamie sees something, or someone?... accidents happen....... promises are broken... things are said... things start to fall apart.... things...
