Alvin who is NOT a chipmunk

20 years

-Beth doesn't know how she gets into this mess, but she is very much out of control.

The plane will take her to LA, where Steve is. She is sad and angry, but she couldn't find a word to express her feelings out to Alvin, and the worst part is she feels there is no remedy for their relationship anymore. They have graduated high school and been to the same university, 6 years when their relationship had been Beth's absolute blessing and rock. Fast forward to now, Alvin could not even stand to look at her face without tearing up. It is true, Beth was diagnosed with Lupus 3 years after she graduated from Yale, but what pains her the most is knowing that Alvin won't be there for her anymore, and he can't take care of her the way he wanted to, no matter how hard he tried. 

Flashback happened again, Beth remembers the stormy night in November, when Alvin was laid off from his job. He came back swearing, cursing the gods and all those above him, telling her that he deserved better and spilling his emotions everywhere as if about to set the furniture on fire. He sobbed, confessing that he thought he could be a better man for her, that he could provide, instead of take. He was broken. "I really, really thought that I can stay on this job. Even though the boss didn't like me, I felt I made up for it by being extra industrious, but hey, nothing works out in the end. And they just didn't want me anymore." Alvin said, head lowered in the dim light, wiping away the foam on the dishes. "It is fine, I am a lawyer, my salary is enough for the both of us." Beth said softly, hugging Alvin from behind. "I just don't want to feel so useless. I want to take care of you, not the other way around. I want to buy you flowers and diamonds." Alvin said. "Well, you could start with washing these dishes, like you do now." Beth rests her head on Alvin's shoulder. "But your body simply can't take the intensity of your work any longer. You are sick, Beth. It makes me so sad, to think that you have to struggle out of bed every morning and stand in front of the judges when you feel so weak and hopeless inside. You have to pretend that you are fearless, formidable, even though inside you are crumbling from the pressure and the heavy weight of life." Alvin put down the dishes, his breath uneven from the tears he shed. "shh. The baby will hear this." Beth playfully squeezed Alvin's neck, "If I quit my job, you must find something better than a tax attorney, ohh you will be so out of it. I will work you to the bones." Alvin laughed, "that tickles!" And suddenly Beth is falling down, her center of gravity tilting to the floor, Alvin caught her by the waist and carried her to the sofa. 

"Beth, are you feeling alright? What is wrong?" Alvin shakes Beth's unconscious body, feeling for her breath, thank god she was still breathing. "Hurt." Beth mumbles. "Where?" Alvin asks, his heart thumping like a thousand horses. "Chest." Beth was suddenly heaving, gasping for air. Alvin used his big hands to rub her chest, and fumbled in the medicine cabinet for some pain killers. "Beth, you will be alright. I am here with you, you will be safe, you will fight through this pain. Ohh how I hope I can ease your pain and make it mine!" Alvin cried. And then, Beth wasn't breathing anymore. Alvin called 911 and fainted himself. 

When the medics arrived they were surprised that the caller was unconscious as well. Beads of sweat were on Alvin's forhead and he seem like he is locked in a looping nightmare. They carried Beth to the gurney and try to wake Alvin. Alvin woke with a start and tried to hold Beth's hand through all the emergency procedures. The tears came like a torrent. While Beth lie there quitely, as if in death. 

Three sleepless nights waiting by her bedside. When she finally opens her eyes on that Wednesday morning, her first words are "How about the children?" Beth was pregnant for 3 months. Alvin rubbed his forhead, then covered his eyes and began to cry. "What about the children? Tell me they are safe!" Beth screamed. Alvin continued to cry. Finally he looked up and said, "They are gone. The doctors asked me, save the wife or the children, and I couldn't." Alvin looked the other way. 

When Beth was little, she always imagine being a mom. Children and family, that was what she wanted. But now, everything seems so far away. She was suprised to find that things crumbled so fast between her and Alvin. Neither of them talk to each other anymore, in fact, neither talk much at all. They planned to get married next year, but all she can thinks of is the death of her children. And then she quit her job. And now she is on a plane to LA, to find Steve, who reminds her of her happier days in life, when everything was simple, and pure. 

20 years could have passed silently if she did board that plane. 20 years of married life to a man she knows less of, love less of, feel less of, to avoid the pain and the loss. A life with Steve would not be in her fantacy, but it could be painless, despite the boredom. She could bear new children, watch them grow, and grow old together with them. When she thinks of Alvin, it will just be a blur of pain and heartbreak, but never love, not again.