Francis And The Saga Of Boys From Hazelville

Chapter Sixteen

We go into the party cautiously. I'm just looking around, staring like a wide-eyed deer. What am I going to do? This is all messed up. Did they change it last minute? They must have. Now how will I find him? Is he going by what he previously said, or by this new system? How is he going to find me? I'm wearing red and blue. AGH, this is presenting more anxiety than it ever should. Why is my life so complicated?

We just walk around, confused. "What am I going to do?" I ask Dubby.

"I don't know. Let's just go under the assumption he's wearing red," Dubby replies.

Bunny stops in front of us. "But if you get it wrong, you're looking like a homewrecker with someone already loved-up."

"Blue is secretly interested," Dubby adds. Bunny looks at him and laughs. "So, I don't know, it's a mess."

"But a traffic light system is so much cooler than a blue party. That's just a dumb jock idea." Bunny is right, and I'm really hoping it's not a football jock.

I wander and look around the party scared. After all, he knows who I am and I don't know him. They were totally right, this is a too-caught-off-guard meeting. It doesn't even matter if I'm wearing red, or blue, or whatever. I've been too naive about everything. I get overwhelmed and rush to find the bathroom. I bump into someone down the hall, and they shout, "Watch it."

I get upset and go in, and lock the door. I want to cry, but I breathe heavily instead. What was I thinking? I wash my hands and try to calm down, but I can't. Someone keeps knocking on the door, but I don't want to come out, I'm frozen. I can't go back out there, I can't be there knowing he's there watching me, I hate it, it makes me feel very uncomfortable. He must get that, how could he not? And there's nothing I can do. No next clue. No way to contact him. The whole thing makes me feel sick and a bit embarrassed. But then I think that if I feel like this, he should too. He was the one being vulnerable and open. But then again, no he wasn't, I was. I'm the one who has been open, vulnerable, and on display.

Someone keeps knocking on the door, but I'm so nervous and jittery I can't open it. What if it's him? What if I open the door and there he is, standing looking at me? He'd know. I wouldn't. I'm not sure if I could tell by his face, or if I'm now just paranoid about everything. But it's not him, it can't be because they are restless and just want to pee.

I text Dubby to come help me. I wait to hear him from the door. The others get annoyed he's jumping the cue. But then he knocks and calls my name. I open the door and let him in, much to the annoyance of the rest waiting.

"You okay?" he asks.

I just shake my head. He hugs me.

"Is this okay?"

"Yeah," I continue. "What am I to do? I don't want to stay here, but going home makes me sad."

"How about we get a drink and then go?" I agree. "And round up Bunny."

We go out and someone else quickly rushes in. In the kitchen I pour myself a drink, I don't know what it is, I don't care. I carefully look around at the others, but nothing sticks out, and no one looks at me. I see Carter and his friend Jen chatting, and then it hits me.

"It's not as good as the first one. Dory is just a better character," he says.

I back away. Did he see me? He didn't, his back was turned. Could it be Carter? We used to talk from time to time. But I thought he forgot I existed, and I kinda forgot he did too. We have no chemistry, surely he knows that? But I guess sometimes chemistry is one-sided. He's wearing a red-blue shirt combo color mix... of course. How can he be secretly interested and in love? It's possible. Damn it. Looking down at my own outfit, I guess so am I. Awkward.

I back my way out of the kitchen and find Dubby. "Ready to go?" he asks.

"I think it's Carter." I say, shocked at myself.

"Carter?"

"Yes."

"He lives across the street, you know. It could be him. This is Jen's house."

All the puzzle pieces try to fit in my mind.

"How can we know?" I think to myself. "It would have to be in his room, right?"

"What?"

"I mean, the tapes and stuff, they'd be in his room. Some evidence. We should go over and see if we can -"

"Break in?" Dubby exclaims too loud.

"I was going to say sneak in. And it's more borrowing, since he's in love with me."

"We don't know that it's him," Dubby continues. "Why don't we just ask him?"

"And risk looking stupid, I don't think so."

He tells me it's a bad idea, but I've already zoned out and muted him in my mind. I need to be careful, and cautious. It's fine, we'll just go over, hope the window is open or sneak past his parents and go see if it's him. How else would he have a random fascination with Dory? I gotta be one step ahead of him. I know that's not how love works, but neither is the way he is going about it. So it's fine. Totally fine.