ONE MORE TIME

aftertaste

I'm swimming in hot waters
Just longing to let go
I think you compared me to snow, and I may have compared you to a ghost
But not the one possessing me
See when the words trailed out of my mouth, it was supposed to be another apology
An apology with no sorry
Because I didn't look into your eyes as my reference tried to break through your otherwise relaxed guise
And maybe I'm looking too much into your metaphor
Embracing magma and distant aqua have nothing to do with our vaulted lore
Maybe my immaculate psychic powers will keep torturing me
Finding every opportunity to blind me while penning someone else's success story
Or maybe my rhymes act as a microphone to the pleading whispers my mouth will never put into fruition
Putting two and two together is more than just basic addition

If I let the demon off my chest, then why am I still haunted?
Why does the left-behind trace still feel unwanted?
I realize my expired paranoia is aimlessly flaunted
I know I'm putting words into his mouth's overbearing tune
Folding the blame to the source of the waning moon
But I gave up my voice because his ever looming presence had me feeling as if I had no choice
I brace myself for your raw and awkward choice of word
But prepped up sacrifices of fake niceties are all my eyes have heard
Our stable steady stream, only consumed in mere ounces, is too good to be true
How are you supposed to know that I want coats of jade green to compliment my damp-saddened blue
Upon every attempted backwards step, what pauses is time
Our poem ended in an odd line, devoid of reason or rhyme
I wish I could see through ghosts, I know throughout the 2 days your joint-effort fog will paralyze my neuro-vision, and my silent breaths will reek of smog
Even after hands stained of maroon blood, he won't stop this game of long division
He feels no need to see the side-effects of his own painstaking precision
The pawns are never consulted in the game-changing decision
My self-suppressant seeds only grew from his sharpened derision
You don't see much of my out of touch sky nowadays, formerly starry
Would I be a broken radio if I continued to silently scream sorry?

But as I stare into the early evening skies, no stars pass through me as celestial insight, words to write
Much like us, the stars are fogged up by misplaced spite
I thought my vengeful words would echo louder than my invisible need to be heard
And maybe this trip is a chance
But every game he enters is a premature loss, even at first glance
Because you wrapped my longing in a lackluster lace
Yet my perpetual reference of polarizing regrets never once glazed your face
Would it be a lie if I wanted you both to petrify?
If you carve the cracks in my skull to connect, when you think back to last Wednesday, at least you may have some semblance of why
After specifically sanding out my regret, what's written never surpassed a steep sigh
Maybe it's time to accept, the words so shallowly engraved are all you necessarily chose to gave
I hope my drawn-out dialogue is enough to distinguish
Unless all your emerald eyes see is amethyst lies, and sapphire's been a summer's gone diminish
Shame on him for retconning, erasing, and replacing our sloppy story ending
An alternate ending of carelessly cut mending
Magenta hues, staining my friendship-friendzy blues
Do I hate him or miss you more?
I write myself to the bloody walls won by the curse of war
I only get stabbed by assuming the seeming stars are anything new
Skies are only sporadically painted blue
By the deep sea mental mystery
Nobody saw enough intrigue to craft a worthy key
What he dubs constellations
Are merely messy malware installations
The slow burn stinging while watching reverse transformations
And we had fun, strolling the street
When we reached the subject of our hollow commitment (in which you insisted on putting my name first, your selfless sacrifices always rhetorically rehearsed), you presented me a hand, or a flame
As my thoughts gathered, he came, time repeat, he had me beat
Stepped on my fingers, but we actively chose to look away from eachother's pondering painful half-frown (or idk...maybe it's just me), so my shadow consumed me until I had turned around to the path of the unbreakable frown
I didn't look down, that first day, and then the regret, hate, spite, pity, it all hit me
And...you weren't there to reach for my hand as I was consumed by deep sea quicksand
And maybe you despise my newfound not-so natural nuance nice
A fireplace I've meticulously crafted of artificial ice
Our race ended in a loss, but you still enjoyed the fun of the cause, or curse
Now that it's all taken a turn for the worse
Because now, new year, new person, you continue to walk the path we once would traverse
You need that person to play games and toy the blame with you, now that I see our bridge as something fragile, I'm nothing new
But who's fault is that? Maybe somewhat yours, but probably mine
After I secluded myself from you to the cold tundra depths, I shouldn't expect you to detect any trace of emotional wine
But as I aimlessly stare off, no plan or map
I can't help but look back at our 4-year gemstone intertwine
Sapphire and Emerald
Sea and Earth's neverending choke-hold
Or at least that's what 9 year olds are told