ONE MORE TIME

losing game

Swinging in the damp cold, skies of deep blue
Avoiding the moon's gaze hiding beneath the silhouettes of branches
Asking myself if there ever were full second chances, or did the chances amount to mere dances?
Dancing around the truth
We both know the fucking truth
69 moons, since I first met you
The solar eclipse, when our worlds ellipsed
A blank white sky I just wanna see through
Gray swirls of stormclouds, why I can't decipher your humor
Hundreds of memories distorted into one telltale rumor
Rarely ever cleared each other's stormclouds
I was the unnecessary loud
We both had fun, manipulating the sun at each other
Ultraviolet rays, 3 weeks ignoring the ghost like he's just another
Too little, too late, long since the sole time I broke through your gate
A labyrinth of puns and jokes, our conversations submerged in smoke
I'd like to crack it apart, find the faded purple geode within
See some semblance of rage caused by my earthquakes and sin
Like in our shared tales, time turning tables
Almost 2 years, I still share your secrets and fears
A shared understanding locked, can't be acknowledged
I slam your concrete exterior but it won't budge
We were never anything cool
But we had each other in this abyss we call "school"
We both blame ourselves
But you'd like to retire our memories to the shelves
I know it's my fault, I wish it was felt
On my nightstand, I stare at your stale gelt
Gems, and emeralds and otherwise insignificant things that sting
Every time I see a dragon wing
I'm the catalyst to my wildest nightmares
Your bombshell revelation in your father's lairs
No queen on Halloween
I tell myself it's just clickbait, I never saw you genuinely hate
You just called me pathetic, I know the hate's still kinetic
Not the nightmares of our memories being dormant
But I wouldn't blame you, I was a plastic friend, self absorbent
That was me, the dude who becomes a punching bag every time he thinks of what could be
Getting through the boss fight of your maze is a losing game
Even if I try to get through, things will never be the same
My ways are pathetic, compared to the dense loud replacement, the boy with headphones is just lame
The side character actor, taking something enchanted for granted
Watering the ruined seeds of the things we'd planted
I guess my alarm went off too late
Long gone the time for a farewell skate
Down memory lane
Under construction, differing production
We're too old to take photos on the halls
No use in smiling at torn-down walls

You smile at me, ignoring it all
You found smoothing new, moved on from the blue
But I’m still treading waters, won’t get out of the goo
The minute I realized, the second I knew
I let go with a closed fist, I lost you
And now all your words are sarcastic cheers
We're just going to ignore the years
I expired
No longer desired
At least that's what I think
As I watch him sink, deeper
Deeper into you
Taking what I have left, what I'm desperately trying to hold on to
The now irrelevant things we shared…you cared
It's gotten rarer
Our interactions bearer
Now the phantom in your skin is haunting me
A chill down my spine, imagining things that will never be
To me, you're a mystery
That just doesn't want to be solved
We're on completely different pages
You're long past the point of unresolved
But I'm stuck in this deja vu loop of a muck
Clocks spin slower
Counterclockwise sighs
Since when were you so wise?

11 moons ago I ran away
Barely acknowledged you on your birthday
You continued to text me, self-reverse psychology
I…should've read your letter
I…should've known better
But I was scared, writing my own narratives about you
Sleeping the room next door, thinking what the things you could say
I cowered in fear, and time flew away
Pushed my buttons, demons slid
But I'm just as messed up
And every once in a while, we both fessed up
I miss the moments
The little things
Our formerly in-sync clocks, remain pulled by the same strings