The Way I See You

Part 5 - Blurred lines

Shubman wouldn't stop kissing Ishan. "Ab se ye bhi humara pre-match routine hai ok?"

(From now on this is our pre-match routine)

"Pagal" (crazy) He may have called Shubman crazy but that didn't stop Ishan from showering him with kisses all over his face even post their routine hug.

"Sun, tujhe Patah hai na. Mein sabke samne tujhse kamm baat karne wala hoon"

(you know right I'm gonna talk a little less with you in front of others?)

"Matlab ignore karne wala hai" (You mean you're going to ignore me. Shubman laughed. "Try karle" (Alright, try it)

"Please na, meri jaan, don't make it too hard for me"

(Please my love, don't make it too hard for me)

Shubman kissed the pout that had formed on Ishan's mouth as he said it.

"Meri galti nahi hai. Tu jab bhi mujhe nahi dekhta na, mujhe acha nahi lagtha"

(It's not my fault, when you don't look at me, I feel terrible)

"O Ashique mere, ab toh mein tera hoon na"

(Oh my lover boy, now i'm yours)

Shubman smiled the biggest smile and kissed him again. Ishan laughed wordlessly pushing him out of the room knowing well they would be late if they continued being like this.

The focus had shifted to the all important match so Ishan didn't need to do anything in particular to avoid people from noticing them. He thought to other people they might look the same as always. Come to think of it, Shubman and he had always given out such boyfriends vibes even as best friends, they should've known then. This wasn't bad though, they had managed to get together with minimal angst. Well, besides how heartbroken Shubman seemed at him avoiding him even just a little. Shubman could be very transparent that way.

Shubman's emotions were there for the world to see. Which is why whether he was happy or sad or grumpy or mad, it was all over his face. Most of all, the way he had the sappiest smile while looking at Ishan. He did let the world see his heart eyes, there was not much hiding one can do with that boy around, Ishan sighed. It made him very happy of course that the boy he had loved for the longest time had some serious feelings for him as well. He had realized he liked the boy quite early.

He had first met Shubman, then an under 19 player and his heart had whispered.. him. For the longest time he thought his heart just found him a best friend for life. A kindred soul, a brother from another mother is what he thought they were. It was easy in team sports to confuse affections. You spend so much time together, there's competition, rivalry, outside politics and a lot of push and pull. Through it all they had held on to each other like the other were the most precious person to them. It wouldn't have worked if even one of them had not been as steadfast in their devotion for the other.

Interestingly enough it was being separated, by being put in different IPL teams, that triggered his own realization. He was happy with his team and the people around. He had formed some close bonds in the franchise. When he had real brother-like camaraderie he started questioning his own with Shubman. Initially, he thought he shared an extra special bond with Shubman and couldn't be compared to others. Later, as he got closer to SKY and his wife, he couldn't help but notice how their relationship was so similar to his and Shubman's. It gave him a huge jolt out of his self-imposed reverie.

He got in the habit of comparing his relationship with Shubman to most people around him and the answer was clear. It did not help that they barely got to meet due to the hectic IPL schedules. Yet, the other was only a phone call away. They would keep each other more updated than some people did with their spouses. Some would deem it necessary to tell him that he shouldn't be sharing team secrets with a rival team member to which he would roll his eyes. Some others would point out that they acted like a couple more than even couples did. To which he wanted to roll his eyes but it often set him off thinking.

They'd see each other during matches against each other. He'd feel so irrationally happy, it once reminded him of the time when younger he was away from home for 2 months at a coaching camp and had seen his mother after, he had kept hugging her the whole day. This was one of the biggest trigger points in his realization of the depth of his feelings for Shubman. Yes, it was a very deep and special friendship but it was also so much more.

So, for the first time in years he harbored a secret from the boy he loved so dearly. At first he thought it was just a crush, a passing fancy for someone who was the closest to his heart. However, when he started feeling happier for Shubman's achievements than Shubman himself, worrying about his health or fitness more than his own, he had started questioning his sanity.

Shubman's smile that always was the happiest when around him made his heart dance with joy. He did the silliest things to see that smile again and again. It helped that Shubman found everything about him lovable. Endearments had started rolling off his tongue before he could get a hold of himself. Shubman instead of questioning it, had started reciprocating.

The only catch was, his feelings had stepped out of the friendship zone but Shubman's hadn't. Shubman treated him like the most special person in his life, sure, but he knew his best friend. Shubman's feelings, though often tiptoeing on the edge of friendship and love, was still on the side of the former. He was okay with it too. He understood that not every relationship was meant to be. Sometimes, he wished for just a little more when Shubman did something especially sweet. The way he'd cheer Ishan up whenever he was down, a side to him that not many people got to see. Nobody celebrated the smallest of his milestones the way his best friend did. This relationship was a blessing in his life and he refused to sabotage it in any way.

It was in trying to protect this bond from becoming fragile that he ended up getting together with the boy in question. He had made a rather stupid, in retrospect, attempt at making it look like they were not as close as the viral videos and edits suggested. He had not taken into consideration the marshmallow (only for him) that was his boy. He also wondered if he would've taken more time to accept the truth of their relationship if he hadn't just unwittingly hurt his dearest one. Shubman's vulnerability and honesty were his weakness so sue him if he accepted his feelings and his heart without preamble. Not to say he wasn't over the moon about what happened. He absolutely was. He was also more realistic and worried about the practical implications of their situation.

It was right in the midst of this thought that he noticed Shubman grimacing while running between the wickets. It occurred to him that Shubman had been playing in pain. He had avoided running onto the field as much as possible to ensure they did not provide more material for the memes. He regretted his decision to stay put. Could he have helped in anyway? He looked around desperately hoping someone would do something to help him out. He tried to look for the captain. He was sure Rohit bhai would have a solution. Why wasn't Virat bhaiyya who was playing alongside Shubman not doing anything. In his head he knew he wasn't being rational but his heart was a mess and being rational was overrated anyway.

He did see Ash bhai giving him a painkiller and water but Ishan wasn't happy and for a fleeting moment he wanted to put his personal interest over the country's. How is it in the country's interest to play someone who was clearly injured or hurt in some way.
Ishan was at his wit's end. So when Rohit bhai finally..FINALLY decided to send the physio to bring Shubman back, he went along. He didn't care a flying fish about the memes and edits. He was operating on the motto - head empty, Shubman hurt.