The Way I See You

Part 15 - Fatigue

Ishan had an inkling he wouldn't get to play the second T20. He was prepared. Both Shubman and him tried to not think too much about everything that happened (including Shubman getting out for a duck) by going out on a casual shopping expedition.

Being spotted was no fun but worse were the comments. He was being held responsible for Shubman's form as well. Wow.

Fans could be extremely narrow minded. He thought of how Anushka bhabhi had to suffer trolling just because she was dating Virat bhai. The worst part was the trolling continued even after they were married. He didn't quite get it? How exactly was the partner responsible for the form of a perfectly good player?? Also, should he be happy that Ishan is being considered Shubman's partner? He couldn't help but laugh at that.

He saw an edit of him and Shubman that read "He was there when no one else was". The song in the background was "tu hi meri dil ki raza hai, tere bina dil hai khafa" the same lines Shubman had told him while gazing into his eyes. He liked it without a second thought. They've been there for each other since a very long time. What people say about them didn't really bother him because he knew his heart and he knew Shubman's.

Other things weren't as simple though. He was getting extremely frustrated. He hadn't gotten an opportunity to play even once. He was here on this tour and he hadn't played a single match yet. He hopes he gets to play the last one but something in him tells him that won't happen either. This wasn't negative thinking but just something he had gathered from being around the team for a while now.

He was starting to suspect he wouldn't get an opportunity to play the test matches either. Even though he was selected for the tests he wouldn't be in the playing eleven. Somehow the very thought of him hanging around unable to play even once made him very angsty. This wasn't what he had signed up for.

He can be a very positive person but he could feel his reserve of positivity running out. There have been way too many times when he had played well and hadn't gotten an opportunity again. He felt that he was there to make sure other players play well. Like a threat to them, if you don't play well you'll be replaced by Ishan is probably what they're made to feel? He didn't want to be that person in the squad. He just wanted a fair chance. He didn't even care for a permanent place at this point.

"Ishan?" Shubman had woken up and was trying to cuddle him. Ishan smiled rolling into his arms. Well, at least he was happy in his personal life. Though having his personal life so thoroughly interlinked with his professional life could always have its disadvantages.

Like he had been contemplating leaving before the tests ever since he got unofficial confirmation that he won't be in the playing eleven. He had tried not to think about it hoping to make a mark in the T20s. That would mean he had to leave his boy and go. He didn't want to, but he also felt it was for the best.

He would discuss it with his managing team and then talk to Shubman about it. Shubman had fallen asleep again and he was back to scrolling. He stopped at an edit of them, they were adorable together he smiled. "Tu Tu hai wahi ., dil ne jise apna kaha.. tu hai jaha mein hoon waha.. ab tho ye jeena tere bin hai saza" The lyrics hit home like no other. He really hated to be parted from his love and he was sure Shubman would hate it as much as well. But if he had to play for the country for a long time he needed to get his head straight. He doubted he could keep up his enthusiasm for the game with the sort of mentality he currently held.

He saw a few edits of his matches and match winning performances. Yeah. He missed those. He really needed a break.

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He nearly rolled his eyes when he found out he was not playing the final T20 match. Why exactly was he here? As a prop? He didn't have the mental capacity to even give a proper reaction. He needed to call his team. He needed to tell his family after that. He wasn't going to be the water boy in the tests. He doesn't need a paid vacation. He'll pay for his own vacations. Thank you.