The Way I See You

Part 8 - Pal bhar ki judaai

The post world cup phase was hard for all. Shubman blamed himself and sulked unhappily through the night. Ishan was miserable as well so they just spent the night just holding each other, no words could soothe the pain, ease the agony. If people who watched the match could drown in their sorrows, it was nothing to how those who were playing and those who had prepared for it felt. Ten perfect matches and one bad day and it felt like happiness had been sucked out of their worlds.

The beauty of sport was that one could recover from a loss and move on to the next match.

Even then this felt heavy on the heart and Shubman found himself getting some time off before the next series.

They had barely dealt with heartbreak when they had to go their separate ways - for work, of course.

"Tu London jaa raha hai."

(You're going to London)

Shubman was looking at him, confused at the aggressive tone of his voice but Ishan was feeling a sense of rage. Maybe later he'd think it's misplaced anger but right then he was mad.

"Gussa kyun ho raha hai?"

(Why are you mad?)

"Tujhe nahi patah?"

(You don't know)

The expression on Shubman's face infuriated Ishan even more. Was he really that ignorant or was it pretend ignorance?

"Ishan"

Shubman's voice was quiet and gentle. Ishan felt surge of annoyance at himself for being so far gone that he was starting to melt at just his name. Shubman pulled him closer and cupped his face.

"Meine nahi, meri team ne decide kiya tha aur kush ne khareeda ticket. Realize nahi kiya ki meine bataya nahi tujhe"

(I didn't decide, it was my team that decided, Kush bought the tickets. I didn't realize I didn't tell you)

He traced a finger on Ishan's cheek as he spoke.

"Sorry"

Ishan was quiet. He wasn't sure what he was mad about anymore but to have Shubman be linked with other people had started to annoy him. Was he becoming unduly possessive? Maybe. Did he regret it? Not in the least. It made his frustration spill over on an unsuspecting Shubman but he couldn't help feeling what he was feeling.

He put his head on Shubman's chest and wrapped his hands around him. Shubman removed his hands from Ishan's face and gently held him. He wanted to sob but he didn't. He was always so emotional when it came to Shubman. Even before they had acknowledged their feelings, Shubman knew that about him. To everyone else he was the fun-loving, happy go lucky guy but he shared such an intimate connection with Shubman, all his emotions were reserved for this giant with the prettiest dimples known to man.

It was decided, Shubman would finish his media commitments and leave for London and join the team in South Africa from there meanwhile Ishan would play the T20 series against Australia then leave for South Africa.

When it was time to leave, he had to summon all his strength to not tear up and act like a fool in front of Shubman. Shubman, however, seemed to have no such qualms as he held him in a bone crushing hug.

"Jeet ke aana ok?"

(Go win! ok?)

Shubman smiled at him.

"Haan khelne ka mauka mile tho"

(If I get a chance to play, sure)

He was going to miss a part of his heart. So excuse him if he felt grumpy ok? Shubman looked concerned.

"Ish.."

"Acha acha. Badla lenge hum ok?? Don't worry"

(Alright, alright we'll take revenge ok? Don't worry)

Shubman didn't seem very convinced that he was alright but he let it go. Ishan gestured to Shubman to bend a little before proceeding to kiss every inch of his handsome face. The dimples and the blushing was back.. it was his favorite sight in the world even more than the sight of a cricket ball disappearing into the crowd. He was down so bad, he thought he couldn't get any worse and he had. Oh well. It was what it was.

They didn't really need to remind each other to call or update each other because they did that, regardless, even before. Shubman went down first, meanwhile Ishan pottered around the room, checking for anything that was missed while packing, in an effort to overcome his anxious energy. He was surprised to hear the door open again.

Shubman had come barreling in and enveloped him in another tight hug.

"I'll miss you"

Ishan felt himself melting into the embrace. He rubbed soothing circles on Shubman's back.

"3 hafte ki baat hai. Uske baad hum phir se ek saat honge"

(It's a matter of 3 weeks, then we'll be back together)

Ishan was trying hard to be the older, sensible one, even though he just wanted to ignore everything and just hold on to Shubman forever. Shubman was buying his head on his shoulders and mumbling something incoherent. Ishan was genuinely amused. He took Shubman's face in his hands. He looked like a lost puppy.

Ishan gently pushed Shubman onto the couch nearby and promptly seated himself on his lap. "I'm not mad AT you. Just the situation" Shubman snuggled into him again. He had to smile at how sweet it was.

"Meri jaan, idhar dekh na. Tu late hojayega. Tujhe jaana hai abhi"

(My love, look here, you are going to be late, you need to leave now)

Shubman tightened his hold on Ishan.

"Acha baba.. thodi der aur ok.. phir tujhe jaana hai"

(ok just a little time more, then you'll leave"

"Niii jana" (Don't wanna go) Shubman said in the smallest of voices. Ishan's heart squeezed in his chest. He felt annoyed at himself for the earlier outburst.

"Roz baat karenge"

(We'll talk everyday)

Ishan placed a gentle kiss on Shubman's forehead.

"Meri jaan.. South Africa mein bohot mazey karenge..teek?"

(We'll have a lot of fun in South africa)

Ishan heard his phone ring, he picked it up slightly annoyed at being disturbed.

"Ji haan bhaiyya. Shubman yaha hai.. abhi aayega. Haan boltha hoon use. Nahi bhaiyya, patah nahi uska phone kaha hai"

(Yes bro, Shubman is here.. I'll tell him. No, I don't know where his phone is)

He didn't really need to say anything post the call. They both knew it was time to leave but that didn't make it easier. Ishan got up from Shubman's lap and gently tugged at his hand. With as much enthusiasm and emotions of a 4 year old's first day of school Shubman left.

Ishan sat there feeling bereft. Wow, he had not counted on acknowledging feelings making separation harder. It had always been hard. They never even made an attempt to hide how they'd miss the other even before they confessed. They often said their byes with sulky pouts and miss yous and promises to call everyday. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that it was harder now but he was still taken aback by the intensity of the feeling.

It was only 20 days, he told himself. He had a series to play and not enough time to miss his one and only. Oh how wrong he was. So wrong. So very wrong.

S