LMK oneshots

OVER AND OVER AGAIN [M]

SUMMARY: Peng's unhealthy coping with Azure's death.

Note: tried to make this as succinct as I could but I suckkk at doing that so uhm yeahhh

TW(S):: Eating disorders, starvation, cutting, forced vomiting, suicidal thoughts, and probably more I haven't noticed

Beta read by meee except sometimes I miss things so pardon any mistakes.

Originally posted on AO3: 2023-07-27

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The calm after the storm. It's sweet, sweet for the heroes. All of them, gathered like a big happy family. They all seemed to be having so much fun.

Peng grimaced. The thought of the heroes celebrating made them violent. Holes in the wall from anger. Curtains torn and glass scattered around the floor.

He could vaguely remember the last time he'd been so violent, and angry. He was young. Upset and angry at the world. Leaving him in shambles and turning away.

Peng wanted to puke. They did. Scattering to the washroom with fat tears running down their face.

Hunched over the toilet, meek sobs. Fingers covered in wet slob. Saliva dripped down from their beak as he coughed and spit into the toilet.

Their eyes narrowed as they watched the food they had a while ago in the toilet. Disgusting bile.

A shaky sigh and they flushed the toilet. Peng could feel themselves deteriorate. No one was there to help them. Yellowtusk was far from reach and Azure..

Azure. Azure was the whole reason he was in this position. Weak, vulnerable, emotional. It wasn't his fault. Peng knew it wasn't.

Azure would never do anything to hurt his brother's. For the most part.

Peng hated himself for being so emotional. He hates his own emotions. He hates feeling. He wished he couldn't feel.

The more and more Peng stared at the ceiling, the more they hated Azure.

But the more they yearned for him once more.

Peng grit their teeth and tossed and turned. Every time they closed their eyes, Azure would appear.

They could've been there. They could have stopped Azure. But no, Peng decided to flee. They really were cowardly.

Peng interlocked his fingers with his teal feathers and pulled. He pulled and pulled until he felt like he was going to tear his head apart.

Curled up on their side, Peng sobbed. They could've been there.

Every day, Peng's routine of eating till he felt bloated and then ridding himself of the food before it had even fully digested, would continue.

Some days Peng would go without eating entirely. Only working out.

This went on to the point he looked malnourished. He was.

Really, Peng just wanted Azure back. Yellowtusk too. Their warm talks after thick and thin. Their friendly smiles shared with each other. Peng wanted that back.

Peng rested. Ice cold water he bathed in. Peng had sat in the bath for so long he had begun to think the water was warming up. It was not. The ice had barely melted.

Peng could lightly feel the graze of Azure's large paw on their shoulder. Azure's other paw went on their knee. As if Azure was talking to them during a shared bath.

Peng remembered the first time they had bathed together. All of them. Splashing through the water.

Azure smiled brightly. His teeth glinted with the glare of the dimly lit moon.