End Game (Charles Leclerc x Max Verstappen)

Everything Has Changed

Charles Leclerc

The whole world is fucked.

I looked at the bottom corner of my screen where a small box shows a man trying his hardest to hold himself together as a "Somewhere Only We Know" drones quietly from my computer. Max hates crying in public and even though technically he's only with Penelope, everyone on Zoom can see him.

My heart aches as I watch P sob into Max's arms l, her tiny hands clinging to his shirt like he'll disappear if she bears to loosen her grip, even a little bit.

Max is rocking back and forth, cradling Penelope in his arms as he whispers words to her that nobody else can hear, lest he accidentally turn on his microphone. I can see him fighting back tears but he wants to be strong for Penelope, whose whole word has been ripped away from her.

A burning sensation draws my attention away from Max and I try to fight back my own tears. Why am I crying? I'm not the one whose girlfriend just died from a disease that's shut the whole world down. I'm not the one who now has to be a single parents to a not even 2 year old girl. I have no reason to be sad, and yet my heart is breaking for that little girl whose laughs make all of us drivers forget about the competition for a moment.

My attention snags on the screen as a picture of Kelly laughing while holding a baby Penelope pops up on the screen. The words Kelly Piquet, mother, girlfriend, friend and daughter. Gone but never forgotten. And the last few notes of "Somewhere Only We Know"come to a close.

I vaguely register Kelly's dad thanking everyone for attending through my sudden oncoming flood of tears. Once again, why the fuck am I crying? I quickly shut off my camera before anyone can see and grab my phone.

Ring ring ring

"Salut Charles comment ca va?" [Hi Charles how are you?] Pierre's French immediately calms my thundering heart as I take a shaking breath.

"Ce n'est pas just! [It's not fair!] Penelope's mom is dead, Max is all alone and the whole fucking world is on fire. I am stupid, I know I am stupid Pierre, but it's fucked, non?" I'm not completely sure whether any of that made sense as my words and air fight for space in my body.

"Charles, calme-toi. [Charles, calm down] You are not stupid. I agree the world entié is in a terrible state. It is not fair. But if you're upset imagine Max! You are not stupid Charles. You are not stupid." Pierre's voice is shaking nearly as much as my own right now, and somehow that is comforting.

"Can we just go back to racing and pretend none of this ever happened? I know Kelly just died from COVID and I could be next but I want it to be over. How many more need to die. Ce n'est pas juste!" [It's not fair!]

"I know Charles. I know." In the background of Pierre's phone a buzzing sounds. "Fuck it's Lando. He's asking if we're going to join his charity stream"

"Can you tell him I will be late?" By this point the funeral has finished and everyone should have resumed their lives already. Lando, like the sweet baby Brit he is, organized a fun raiser for the Princess Grace Hospital in Monaco, where Kelly stayed for a week before she took a turn for the worst.

"Oui oui. Alright, a bientôt!" [Yes yes. Alright, talk soon.]

I cannot breathe. Fuck. Fuck! Why is it all so horrible. The tears sliding down my face sting my eyes as I try to claw them away. "Arrête a pleurer!"[Stop crying!] I yell to nobody. Crying is stupid. It will not bring Kelly back and it will not make me feel less alone. Oh. Maybe that is why I am crying.

It has been nearly a month since one of the McClaren engineers got Covid and the whole F1 circuit, and the world, got shut down. "Breathe Charles, breathe. It is okay. Now, what can you do to help?" Talking to myself helps me to focus when I am panicking, and doing it in English also distracts my brain a bit, I could probably speak French in my sleep.

Bonjour Max. I am so sorry for the loss of Kelly, and I cannot imagine how difficult it must be. I am here for you if you, or Penelope, need. If you ever want some time alone I would be happy to take P for some ice cream, or you can come over if you don't want to be in your apartment. I wish you the best! (From Charles)

I do not think before hitting send on the text lest I cower out of sending it. I really want to help Max and Penelope but since Austria last year tensions have been pretty high.

I jump onto Lando's stream before I can think about it anymore.

I am making pasta for dinner, the noodles are perfection if I do say, when I hear my phone buzz. I think it is probably Lando, asking if we can do another stream soon or go on a social distanced run and get ice cream. I casually reach across the stove to type something about how Mint Chocolate chip does not in fact taste like tooth paste when I actually read the notification.

It is from Max.

Hello mate. Thanks for reaching out, it's very hard right now. It would probably be good for P to get out of the house but I don't think she would leave my side. (From Max Verstappen)

I am not really sure what to say. It is the most human Max has ever been probably. To be honest, I wish we could be friends again and watching P cry over the zoom funeral really broke my heart. I was not quite so young when Jules died but it was still really hard. Instead of ignoring him, like I probably would have done a couple of months ago, I type up a quick message.

I heard you say on a stream that P likes to play with the Mario Kart while you stream. I just got a new Nintendo so you could come over and play. We would wear the masks of course and I just tested this morning and I am not sick. (From Charles)

It is a few minutes before my phone buzzes again so I mix the pesto onto my perfect pasta. Sure. Thanks mate. I'm not streaming this week so how is Wednesday?  (From Max Verstappen)

That is perfect. See you then :) (From Charles)

My face gets all warm as I read Max's message over, and I cannot stop myself from smiling a little bit. What is happening? At least Max and Penelope won't be alone though, that's probably why I'm smiling. I guess I won't be alone either.

That's when I walk around the corner into the living room. It is a terrible mess. "Oh mon dieu, [oh my god] I should clean before Wednesday. How did I let it get so messy?" Oh well, that is a problem for Tuesday I think. Instead of cleaning I step over the books and hoodies left on the floor before making room for myself on the couch.

I cannot stop thinking that Max will be here in 2 days.