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Lately Carmela has been waking up either feeling all of her emotions or feeling nothing at all. She felt sleepy all day, and restless all night. Her days passing by like a blur. She had created one routine though. After her classes or meetings, she would go to the library and read. She used to read at home but home only reminded her of what happened with her best friend and how alone she was. In order to forget for a couple of hours, she would find a quiet spot for her to read.
Today wasn't any different. After returning some books, she went straight to the Circulation Section of the library, scanning the titles for something that piqued her interest. A novel by Murakami at the top shelf caught her attention, Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage,"I haven't read that one yet" Carmela thought to herself but she could barely reach the shelf, she was only 5'2" after all. Still, she stretched her hand out to reach for the book. That was when her index finger met another. He was tall so he quickly grabbed the book for her. "Here you go." He said with a warm smile on his face, like that sunlight that gave his eyes a subtle glow and emphasized the depth of his dimples.
"Ah, thanks." She says shyly, taken aback by the tall guy standing before her.They walk towards the counter to check out the books. He places a book on the counter first, South of The Border, West of The Sun.
"Great choice, loved that one." Carmela comments, looking at his choice of read.
"You've read it?" His face lights up, "Of course you have, you're practically here everyday."
"H-ha?" Carmela's surprised by his observation, trying to recall if they've met before.
"Oh, sorry, it's just that I drop by here everyday and I'm pretty sure I see you here too... everyday... reading." He clarifies, words trailing as he scratches his head.
"Amoy stalker but okay." Carmela jokingly says as she places her book on the counter for the librarian to check out.
Namjoon smiles a little as he introduces himself. "Oh, by the way, Namjoon. 4th year Lit." He finally introduces himself, offering his hand.
"Carmela, 5th year Film." Carmela took his hand and shook it, wondering why his name sounded to familiar.
Carmela starts walking towards one of the desks when Namjoon asks her, "Gusto mo magbasa sa labas?"
On a normal situation, Carmela would have been out of that library by now. She would be on her way home so she could crawl into bed, turn her bedside lamp on, and read for the rest of the night. But lately home has felt emptier than it did four years ago when she first moved in. What used to be filled with laughter and teasing by her and her friends, is now dead silent. She didn't like reading inside the library either. It felt too bright and too stuffy for her. It was the chapel and empty classrooms that became her go-to spots lately. She managed to stay away from Seokjin and Yoongi's buildings, surprised that she hasn't run into them yet.
"Tara" She tells Namjoon, turning her eyes on the library door. She definitely could use some fresh air right now. The light outside looked enticing as well. The two sat at the hallway just outside the library. It was the first time in weeks that Carmela has spoken to anyone but her classmates and thesis mates. It was the first time she spoke about something that wasn't class related. It was the first time in a while that she somewhat made a friend. This is nice, she said to herself.
There was one major downside to their set-up though. They got no reading done at all. Instead, they spent the entire afternoon talking about books, coffee, and art--the three things they loved the most. Namjoon spoke about his adventures, the museums he's gone to. Carmela talked about her art, showed off her paintings and photographs. Namjoon was always impressed by artists because as much as he loved art, he felt like he never had the talent to create it. He asked her about her inspiration, the thought behind every painting, and her creative process. "You know, sometimes you just have to create. It doesn't need to make sense to anybody else but yourself," she tells Namjoon, encouraging him to create something. Carmela has always been that way. Encouraging people to do what they want to do. To not give a shit about what people would say.
-- Since the first time they met, they saw each other almost everyday at the library and they would sit out in the hallway, or under a tree at the Sunken Garden. Reading less and less everyday. Sometimes Carmela would just sketch and Namjoon would watch her."I think I sketch uglier when people watch me." He'd apologize and focus on his book. But he'd slowly get distracted by her sketching. It fascinated him what her hands could create, whether it's a drawing, a painting, a photograph, or a script. He loved how she saw things in a different light. How a single leaf could be the inspiration for a sketch, or how she could create a painting after listening to a song. It was like she saw the world through a looking glass. He was curious to see the world through her eyes.
"What made you major in film?" Namjoon would randomly ask these questions.
"Hmm.." Carmela gave herself a moment to think, placing the pencil on her chin, "I just really like making up stories in my head."
"What kind of stories?"
"Alternate realities?" She laughs at her odd answer, "You know, the what could be's and what ifs." Carmela tries to explain.
"Honestly I just couldn't think of anything else to major in." Carmela finally admits. "I know I need to find a better reason why I'm taking this path but.."
"Not everything has to be that serious," Namjoon says as he stares at the trees in . "You can do things just because it's fun."
"So you majored in Lit just because you REALLY like books?" Carmela asks
"Oo. I like books THAT much."
Namjoon hasn't made any friends in a while. Ever since his mom left him and his dad, they've been moving from city to city trying to chase a job. He stopped trying when he left Cebu two years ago, thinking Manila's just gonna be another pit stop to finish college before he could move to the States. Home was never home for him. It was simply a place for him to rest. That's why he was out most of his time. Out biking, seeing an exhibition, reading at a café, spacing out under a tree. He loved UP though. He loved how massive it was, where it could never feel crowded or busy. He loved how he could always find a spot to read.
He didn't understand what drew his attention to Carmela though. Maybe it was simple coincidence that he kept running into her, or maybe it was because the first time he actually saw her, she looked so unhappy, behind the campus chapel, as she stared at a piece of paper that seemed like a letter. He liked hanging around the chapel. Not because he was religious, but because it felt peaceful no matter what day it was. Sunny, rainy, good days, bad days. On the days his heart felt heavy, the chapel always gave him comfort. When he saw Carmela there, he thought she could use the chapel for now.
--
Carmela's phone buzzed from her pocket. A text message from Namjoon.
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Namjoon leaves her on read and Carmela reverts her focus on the boring Economics class Mr. Abad was conducting. Thirty minutes later and class is over. Her brain's so numb from all of the information she had to take in that she's forgotten about Namjoon's inquiry. She walked down the steps of Melchor Hall feeling worn out but her face lit up as soon as she saw Namjoon across the street with two bicycles. She runs to him in excitement and Namjoon's eyes widen as she almost forgets to watch for the cars as she crossed the street.
"Seryoso ka ba?!" Carmela squeals as she hops on the bicycle.
"O, safety first." Namjoon grabs the helmet sitting on the front basket and puts it on Carmela's head, snapping the lock in place. Grinning as he watched her test out the brakes and the bell, like a kid on Christmas Day. He's never seen anyone else get this excited over a bicycle. Namjoon recalled her mentioning that the last time she rode a bike was when she was twelve, the day her pink bike got stolen. He thought they'd go biking today.
Carmela envied Namjoon's sense of adventure. Sure, she's independent, she lives on her own but she's only been striving to survive. Namjoon on the other hand lives his life on his own terms. He talked about his summers backpacking around Asia, Christmas in the States with his dad, his favorite local trip-- Batanes, and how he plans on going back. To him, the world was his home. She wanted to see this home too, but she was always too afraid to do it alone.
Carmela whips out her film camera screaming, "First bike ride together!" as she takes a photo of Namjoon on his bike. Carmela cherished her friendship with Namjoon. She had the chance to forget what had happened in the past couple of weeks. With him, she wasn't the girl who fell for her best friend. With him, she wasn't the friend who got jealous when her best friend fell for someone else. With him, she was brand new.
They get back on their bikes to go home them when a blue SUV passed by. Carmela was laughing at something Namjoon had said, too pre-occupied to notice, But Seokjin felt as if time had slowed down as he saw his best friend again after she had disappeared on them four weeks ago. Surprised that it seems like he's the only one devastated at what had happened. Seokjin steps on his breaks as he watched Carmela's image disappear from the rear view mirror. And just like that, she was gone again.
