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The drive home was quiet. Normally Seokjin would put on his favorite playlist and sing and dance along to the music. He hated getting bored in traffic. And traffic in Manila was terrible. But that night he couldn't think of anything else but the sight of Carmela all giddy with a stranger. He thought she needed time to process her thoughts. He thought he was giving her space but he didn't expect that she'd move on with life without them. He thought that despite the distance, they'd still share the same kind of sadness, the kind where you're longing for home. He felt betrayed that while he was confused, clueless and hurting, she was out there candidly laughing with a new friend, whoever he was.
Seokjin stared at the blank grey wall of his parking space, without any clue of how he drove himself home. He gets out of the car and walks up to the elevator, pressing the round button with the number 6 on it, his floor. He makes a few turns and he reaches his apartment and opens the door to Yoongi sitting on the couch, watching anime. Seokjin crashes on the other end of the couch and just stares at his ceiling.
"Ok ka lang?" Yoongi notices the invisible weight that Seokjin's carrying.
Seokjin closes his eyes, refusing to let out a tear, "Ano bang nagawa ko? Bakit bigla na lang siya lumayo?"
They haven't spoken about it since Carmela stopped talking to them. They thought it would only take a few days before she reaches out to them again. But weeks have passed and still, not a word from her. They try to ignore the fact that their best friend had suddenly stopped talking to them. Yoongi knew how clueless Seokjin was, but he didn't want to out Carmela. He didn't like to meddle with people's feelings.
"Di mo talaga alam?" Yoongi asks him
Seokjin turns his head towards Yoongi, "So alam mo? Di ka man lang nagsasalita?!"
"Ayoko lang makielam" Yoongi's still calm. He knew not to clash with Seokjin's anger.
"TOL YUNG BEST FRIEND NATIN BIGLA NA LANG LUMAYO," Seokjin's face is turning red now, "SI JAMEE UMUWI NG BAGUIO," His eyes starting to fill with tears, "ALAM MO NAMAN PALA BAKIT HINDI KA MAN LANG NAGSALITA!" Seokjin pushes Yoongi's right shoulder. Yoongi has never seen him this mad before.
"PANO KO NAMAN SASABIHIN SAYO NA 'TOL YUNG BEST FRIEND NATIN MAY GUSTO SAYO APAT NA TAON NA PERO NAHULOG KA PARA SA BEST FRIEND NIYA!'" Yoongi was pissed. He didn't want him knowing about her feelings this way.
Seokjin's heart drops. He suddenly felt weak, letting his body fall on the couch.
"Akala ko by now nakaramdam ka na." Yoongi sits beside Seokjin. "I mean, alam naman ng buong barkada." Seokjin's turns his gaze on Yoongi, surprised that the whole gang already knew.
"The deepest feelings always screamed the loudest." Yoongi scoffs, "Tignan mo kayo ni Jamee. Isang buwan pa lang kayo nagkakakilala, alam na agad namin ni Carms."
"Hindi ko alam ano dapat ko gawin. Akala ko kailangan lang niya ng space, pero nung nakita ko siya kanina--" Seokjin gets cut off by Yoongi.
"Saan?"
"Sa school. May kasama siyang guy, hindi natin kilala. Nakabike sila sa may Oble."
"Tangina may rebound agad?!"
"Seryoso kasi ako!" Seokjin whines at Yoongi, "Kasi pagkakita ko sa kanila, pakiramdam ko nasasanay na siya na wala tayo... Na para bang okay lang sa kanya na wala tayo." Seokjin looks down at the floor. He always cherished his friends the most. To him, they were his family and his escape. So to see Carmela okay without them hurt his feelings a lot. Because he sure was not okay without her.
"Ulol, di pwede saken yon. Lagot sakin yan. Pa-bike bike pa siyang nalalaman." Yoongi lightens Seokjin's mood and goes for the Nintendo Switch, "Ilaro na lang natin to."
Seokjin's always been grateful for his friendship with Yoongi. He was one of the few ones who could tell him things straight without any sugarcoating. Just the truth. Yoongi also would never let them both be angry at the same time. And he was fine with taking a step down. He didn't show any pride when it came to their friendship. He would do whatever it took to fix it.It was already 2 in the morning and the room was pitch black, except for the faint glow that came from Seokjin's phone, reading Jamee's last text over and over again.
"I'm sorry. I have to go back home."
Only one question runs through his mind at this moment: "How can I miss someone I barely know this much?"
This feeling felt all too familiar. He knew what it was like to have a vision of what he wanted, only for the world to call it a delusion. It was just like the day he told his parents about wanting to become a game developer-- the very day he let that dream go as well. In a way, meeting her was like a dream. In the short time that he knew and lost her, he sometimes couldn't believe she was real. How could he be so drawn to her? She felt like home and an adventure at the same time-- someone so comforting but thrilling at once. All he wanted was more time; a chance to get to know her more. He couldn't really understand it then but he knew it wasn't completely platonic--at least what he felt for her. But he knew he couldn't trust his feelings just yet.After all, he's only known her a month.
So he did what he did with all his dreams-- he let go.
--
Yoongi would see Carmela's posts every now and then, photos obviously taken by someone else. He notices a certain Kim Namjoon liking and commenting on Carmela's posts recently too. They know pretty much every friend she has so this is definitely a surprise to him. Must be the new friend Seokjin was talking about. He opens Namjoon's profile and shows it to Seokjin. "Eto ba yung biking buddy!?" Shoving his phone to Seokjin's face. He takes Yoongi's phone and zooms into the photo. "OO TANGINA YAN NGA." They start stalking his profile and saw comments Carmela has made. They click on his recent post and read the caption:
"On film by Carmela Almarinez"
Yoongi starts screen grabbing evidence and bombards their group chat.
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Carmela has been wanting to approach them for days now, but she was scared that she'd have to explain herself. She was always afraid of confrontations. So when she saw their messages, it felt like a weight was taken off of her shoulders. They were always the first ones to reach out to her when she would run away from the world. But sometimes she feels like she was one day going to run out of luck and they would stop coming to her doorstep. But this time she got lucky again.
Their dinner felt normal. They made stupid jokes, the two teased Carmela about Namjoon, and talked crap about their professors. No one had mentioned anything about Carmela pulling herself away and Jamee going home to Baguio. They didn't want to ruin this moment.
"May lakad ba kayo this weekend?" Carmela asks the two, as she played with her leftovers with the fork.
"Kaya lang ata tayo binati nito kasi may pabor e" Yoongi jokingly points his finger at Carmela.
"Gamit na gamit na talaga ako" Seokjin adds as he places his hand on his forehead, shaking his head.
"Gago, seryoso akoooo." You could hear how annoyed and desperate she was at the same time.
"Loko lang eh." Seokjin calms her down, "Wala naman, bakit?"
"May kailangan kasi tayo sunduin..." Her voice a lot smaller now.
