My Marketable Mind

Morphing

Standing on a weighing machine
I lost half of the weight I had till like last year
It's so consuming to love you when I know it'll not reach anywhere
Seeing you with him every day in the corridor
Holding hands, wish I could smash his head against the door

Trying so hard to fit in his shoes
So probably there'll be a possibility of me being the one you choose

My friends asked me to lose feelings
But I'm losing my mind,
My appetite
Keeping in mind that you have a record of dating skinny guys
I'm morphing into someone I don't want to be
So many efforts going into one place
But you are too ignorant to see

It's not like I'm not trying to not write about forbidden attachments
But where do I stand when I have six guys to compete with
Even if one fine day I get somewhere, it'll still not feel like an accomplishment
Knowing that in the back of your mind, you already have my replacement
That warmth, that aura that used to be familiar seems strange
After it all went in vain

my friends asked me to lose feelings
But I'm losing my mind
My appetite
Keeping in mind that you have a record of dating skinny guys
I'm morphing into someone I shouldn't be
So many efforts going into one place
You being you, are ignorant to see
I'm morphing into someone I don't want to be
Loving you made me realize I was just never pretty

"Stay away from her, she's just not right"
I'm trying so hard to be her type
It's not just losing my mind, my appetite
It's about losing me too
Turns out, you ended up replacing the guy who loved you
Having the keys to some new guy's dorm
Even I move on, but I move on after a pause

How do you narrate this to your pseudo-feminist friends
Knowing you're the one who always cheats
I wish I never fell in love
Just to fall out as someone I never wanted to be
I morphed into someone I never wanted to be
Lost myself, lowered my self-esteem
Just to morph into someone I shouldn't be

written by vikshar varma(23/1/23)