Lightning and Thunder

2

𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑

EPISODE 2 (NISHA'S POV)

Trigger warning: There are mentions of potentially triggering events in this episode. However, one cannot ignore the existence of darkness if light is to have its full effect. This episode will shatter strongholds and bring transformation in Jesus' name.

~~~

I couldn't tell my friend that her talk did little or nothing to help. She would be shattered. If she could hold on to the last thread of hope for me, maybe God would have mercy on my soul.

I alone knew the possible reason behind my ailment. It went beyond a mere ancestral curse.

Even though it was partly through my influence that Judith came to know Christ-I invited her to my fellowship when we met in the department in college-she had grown stronger than me in many areas.

Her walk with God was progressive. Her faith was strong. I, on the other hand? I was barely surviving. I had secrets no one knew of.

So, the reason behind my terminal sickness? I had angered my spirit husband.

Yes, I was married to a demonic entity and though I had no way to control the dreams, I was always depressed and afraid after they came.

The dangerous part of these episodes was that the demonic entity would always have violent s*x with me.

When I newly got born again, the dreams ceased and I was relieved but then they came back. I didn't know what exactly triggered its return, but this time around it became so intrusive so much that sometimes I would be in between reality and a dream, unable to move my body and would feel this hulking being pressing itself into me.
My lips wouldn't be able to move, though, in my heart, I wanted to cry out Jesus' name.

It all seemed so embarrassing. I mean, I was a tongue-speaking sister back in the days in college and at a point a leader in the fellowship so I told no one about my predicament.

It all began when I was a little girl and my dad would come to my room, taking off my clothes and beginning to touch me.

I wondered if that was one of the reasons my mom divorced my dad and never called him again. The man simply disappeared off the surface of our lives.

As I grew into a teenager, my sexual urges grew to a tsunami and I was caught in the web of pornography and masturbation. That was the open door for the spirit husband to lay hold on me.

When Austin called, I didn't want to pick it up. But Judith urged me to tell him the truth. I would tell him, but most likely not the entire picture. I couldn't speak over the phone, so I told him I would come over to his place. Judith honoured my request for me to go see him alone.

"If only I was not so afraid..." I kept thinking as I drove. "Oh God, what have I gotten myself into? Please help me." I cried.

Austin was at the door, waiting when I knocked. One look at my face and he pulled me into his embrace. I was a wailing mess in his arms.

"Now, tell me everything," he demanded when I had cried my eyes out and was now sitting on his sofa.

I told him I was going to die, and that we should inform our families that no wedding would be taking place.

He frowned and didn't speak for a while and I got more scared. He also was going to leave me. I would be alone and if I even eventually died, I would be so unworthy to enter heaven that God would throw me to hell, at the mercy of that same spirit husband I saw so often in my dreams.
Sweat drenched my neck and face and I held my breath, waiting for Austin to say something.

He looked at me, smiled a little and said, "You're not going to die, my love. That's not the covenant or promise God told me concerning us."

I sighed in relief and cried happy tears.

"But, but you... I don't want you to carry the burden of me. The cancer is terminal, didn't you hear?"

"Our God is greater than cancer. He is greater than anything."

I didn't say a word. I was battling the urge to tell him everything, knowing it was a gamble with a high probability tending towards me being dumped at the end of my confession. Condemnation slammed at me from all angles and I winced.

Austin took my hands. "Hey, Nisha, God has not given you the spirit of fear. You are more than a conqueror, remember?"

I shook my head.
"I can't do this, Austin. I can't do this to you. You deserve someone better."

"What are you talking about? The moment I asked for your hand, it was a commitment to also bear your pains and burdens."

I wanted to scream at him to have a rethink of this overly heroic mission he wanted to embark on with me, but I swallowed it.

If I wasn't so afraid, maybe I'd open up to someone. Maybe I would get help. But for now, I couldn't see any light at the end of my tunnel. Maybe it was better for me to suffer for my sins...

~~~

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ'ꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ: Though what this fictional story portrays may seem over-exaggerated to some, it is sadly the daily torment that many people, even Christians.
The truth is that if you don't know your identity, if you don't know the Word, you will be trapped in that endless cycle of torment
The only way to break free from the torment of fear is to encounter the Truth.
I pray that the Lord will deliver you from whatever you might be secretly battling in Jesus' name. Shalom.