Deep Breaths (Everlark)

Chapter 6

It has been four months after I moved in with Katniss. My flashbacks have gotten less violent, and Katniss's nightmares have reduced. I can't say that my flashbacks reduced, though. I still get set off by small things. I wonder if I'll ever feel normal. If I'll ever recover fully.

Every single day, me and Katniss have gotten closer, sharing a trauma bond of the past. I find myself wondering, that if she wasn't reaped, would I have even talked to her? Would she be with Gale, the one that kept her and her family alive? My mind wandered back to the past.

After Katniss shot Coin, I had been restrained at a mental hospital, recovering from the tracker venom. Back then, I was much worse. My flashbacks were almost constant, and more violent. I telepathically thank Dr. Aurelius for helping me. I only got sent back here because Dr. Aurelius was sure I'd be better, hoping that being in my home town would help me heal.

It wasn't the home town, though, it was Katniss. She had helped me through all my flashbacks, all my panic attacks and all my meltdowns. I don't know if I'll ever deserve her after everything.

I wonder what my dad would think of me now, traumatized and changed by the Capitol. That his friendly, kind son had been turned into a mutt, unable to go a few days without experiencing flashbacks. My mom, on the other hand, would laugh. She would say that "her son finally toughened up,". I wince, cradling my pillow. My past still clings on to me, reminding me of how broken I am.

I realize I'll never be normal. The past can never be erased, and as much distractions I give myself, I will never let go of the memories, of the things I have suffered though.

I couldn't sleep. Dr. Aurelius' medication for me and Katniss was supposed to arrive soon. I hope it helps. The thing I'm excited for the most was medication to help me sleep, because the sun was rising and I was still awake, staring at the ceiling. Birds have started singing outside, and the sky was a milky orange, slowly transitioning into a bright blue.

Groaning, I give up entirely on sleep and dress to go downstairs to make breakfast. As the pancakes are sizzling, I hear thumps coming down the stairs.

"Hey Katniss," I smile. She rubs her eyes and looks at me, smiling.

"Hey, Peeta," she says, heading to the downstairs shower. As I finish up breakfast and set everything at the table, she comes out.

"Come here, sit," I beckon her, patting the chair. She slides in, and hugs me gently.

"Thank you for making breakfast, this looks really good." she remarks.

"Thank you Katniss! I also have some blueberries if you'd like some," I exclaim as I slide over a bowl of fruit. She grins back at me, pouring some into her hands.

"Quick, eat the pancakes before they get cold," I push her plate towards her as I go get myself a helping.

We eat in comfortable silence, calm by each others presence. Katniss finishes first, and goes to do the dishes after I'm done.

"Katniss, let me wash the dishes,"

"Peeta, go try to get some rest for the day. Those eye bags are really noticeable, by the way," she chuckles. I flush, not realizing that my sleep-less nights actually take a toll on my physical appearance.

"Okay, fine. But why?"

"I was going to take us to Haymitch's place. I haven't visited him since you moved here and I want to make sure he's okay," Katniss glanced out the window, the the far right house.

"Okay, wake me up before sunset, alright?"

"Yep, sleep tight, Peeta," she smiles.