will you ever look at me (the way i look at you) || Jikook

2️⃣ : i do

The tension in the room was palpable.
 
Jimin and Jungkook were the only ones left in the dance studio after the other members had left after hours of consistent practice. Jimin had announced that he'd stay back to practice some more, which was usual for him to do. The other members nodded in affirmation as they already expected that from Jimin.
 
But what was not usual or expected was for Jungkook to stay back as well. Especially when Jimin was already staying back. All the members except Jin had sort of surprised expressions on their faces at hearing Jungkook's own announcement of staying back as well. But the worst of all was Jimin's expression. His expression was unreadable, his usually lively eyes devoid of any emotion. 
 
After telling both of them to not overwork themselves and to reach the dorm before dinner, the rest of the members had left, leaving just Jimin and Jungkook alone in the room.
 
Jimin didn't know what to feel. He was trying his best to keep his expression stern and not show any emotions on the outside, but on the inside he was experiencing a whirlwind of emotions and feelings. Deep, unbreakable, never-ending feelings.
 
Jimin clearly remembered every word that he had overheard Jungkook say in his room yesterday. And the wound was still fresh. Jimin's heart just couldn't stop hurting, his throat always bubbling up with emotions. He was on the verge of a breakdown, a single wrong move and he'd cry a river in an instant.
 
Jimin hated how emotional he was, especially regarding the people he was willing to give the world to. And Jungkook..... Jungkook was Jimin's entire world. He couldn't describe how hurt he felt, and seeing Jungkook's face and having his presence around only made it worse. Despite the innumerable times Jungkook had hurt Jimin, and hurt him badly enough to create a hollow hole in his heart, Jimin's heart still jumped with yearning at seeing Jungkook. And Jimin's irises that were desperately trying to not show any emotions started swirling with heartbreaking longing.
 
In the present moment, with just him and Jungkook in the room all alone, Jimin felt hypersensitive. And he hated himself for that. 
 
Jimin took in a deep breath and exhaled heavily, trying to his decelerate his heartbeat. He closed his eyes to collect himself, a flurry of 'get it together, get it together, get it together dammit....' chants occupying his mind. He promised himself that if he had to break down into tears, he would not do it infront of Jungkook at any cost. He would do it only when Jungkook was out of sight. He couldn't afford losing himself and letting himself go infront of Jungkook again, he had to be on guard. 
 
Jimin couldn't show that he was weak and give Jungkook an open opportunity to make fun of him or to tease him again. 
 
He couldn't let Jungkook to hurt him again. No matter what.
 
So, with keeping that in mind, Jimin pushed all the bothersome thoughts and feelings to the darkest corners of his mind and heart and straightened his posture. He put on the best poker face he could muster, his eyes becoming narrow automatically and he looked at himself in the mirror. He started dancing and practicing the moves of the choreography, doing what he was actually here for, not batting an eyelash at the other guy in the room.
 
.
.
 
Jungkook had never been this nervous or anxious in his life.
 
Even though the room was air-conditioned, Jungkook was sweating profusely, his hands not ready to stop trembling, his heart beating out of his chest. 
 
Jungkook's mind was hazy, the lines he was supposed to say to Jimin appearing blurry infront of his eyes. He stumbled slightly as he tried to take steps that lead to Jimin, his knees threatening to give out, his senses hyperfocusing on Jimin, Jimin, Jimin....
 
Jungkook's heart was pounding against his chest, his heart was hurting so badly when he dared to glance at Jimin's face and saw a deadly expression, his bright eyes having lost all the light. Yet just a glimpse of Jimin made Jungkook's heart skip a beat.
 
He stared at Jimin with eyes chock full of longing, pain, enchantment and love, not caring about anything else in the world and just wanting to feel Jimin's presence up to the brim of his heart. He felt lovestruck at how beautiful Jimin looked while dancing, effortlessly delivering the most toughest moves. He was so elegant, shimmering like an emerald gem, leaving Jungkook utterly stunned and in awe with his natural beauty. 
 
Jungkook acknowledged his racing heart, palpitating wilding as if it wanted to jump out of Jungkook's chest and go to Jimin where it rightfully belonged. He recognised how he wanted to do anything, say anything to have Jimin's attention. He was desperate to talk to Jimin, to share a moment with him, to have a memory with him which he could play in his head on repeat for the rest of the day. 
 
He recognised how his jittery and restless self wanted to drop everything, pull Jimin into his embrace, never let him go and kiss him senseless until all Jimin could remember would be Jungkook's everlasting love for him.
 
Jimin was so stunningly beautiful, and Jungkook was so in love. Utterly, dangerously, foolishly, hopelessly in love.
 
And even though Jungkook knew all the words he wanted to say to Jimin by heart, his words refused to come out of his mouth. His mind was going haywire with anguish, overthinking about every possible negative outcome that could take place if he came clean and confessed his feelings for Jimin.
 
But Jungkook was not going to let that get to him, not this time. This was his last chance at ever being happy and he was not going to mess this up. He was not going to give up on Jimin, never. He was going to give all of his being to Jimin today -- wholly, completely, willingly and respectfully. He would beg for Jimin to come back to him and take into his arms. 
 
Jungkook sucked in a sharp breath, preparing himself.
 
Lay your heart bare. Make him listen to your heart. Show him your true feelings...
 
Jungkook looked at Jimin, looked at him the way that was reserved only for Jimin. He looked at him as if he hung the stars in the sky, as if he was the love of his life.
 
What am I to you?
 
"Jiminie hyung...." The words left Jungkook's lips in the form of a soft whisper before he could stop himself and change his mind.
 
Jimin halted immediately, panting and sweating, his eyes wide with shock as he looked at Jungkook. It was clear that he didn't expect Jungkook to even look at him, let alone call out to him to potentially talk to him.
 
Jungkook just wordlessly stared at Jimin for a moment. Pink cheeks, slightly open mouth, short breaths, plush lips, glistening skin, mesmerizing eyes. Jungkook's heart clenched. How was he so beautiful?
 
"I -- uh --" Jungkook struggled with his words, his hands shaking, "you dance very elegantly hyung.....and you -- um -- i-it was very i-impressive..." Jungkook internally slapped himself for not even being able to compliment Jimin properly.
 
Jimin's cheeks turned a shade of light red, and he immediately averted his eyes, hanging his head low. He only gave Jungkook a shaky nod in response, his bangs covering his eyes.
 
Jungkook didn't know where the urge came from, but he couldn't stop himself from moving closer to Jimin and blurting out, "You look so beautiful hyung."
 
Jimin's head whipped to look in Jungkook's direction, his eyes even wider and his mouth hanging open in shock. "W-what?"
 
"You are so beautiful...." Jungkook didn't know where the courage came from, but he just couldn't stop himself from saying what he'd wanted to say to Jimin from an achingly long time.
 
Jimin furrowed his brows, his heart racing. He couldn't understand why Jungkook was saying such words out of the blue. Especially when only yesterday he was yelling about how he didn't want Jimin in his life, about how he couldn't breathe around Jimin, about how Jimin ruined everything for him, about how he couldn't go back to being normal as long as Jimin was around.
 
About how he wished he wouldn't have met Jimin, how he wished he wouldn't have ever known Jimin, about how Jimin made him feel these ugly things.....
 
"What are you saying?" Jimin's voice was sharp, his eyes becoming narrower than before, his jaw clenching.
 
Jungkook flinched, his eyes wide, not having expected that kind of reaction from Jimin.
 
"Now I'm beautiful, huh?" Jimin scoffed, saying the words through gritted teeth.
 
"Weren't you the one who were yelling on about some crap in your room yesterday? You had some really beautiful things to say about me...." Jimin chuckled humourlessly, "....saying stuff like how you didn't want me in your life, how you couldn't fucking breathe around me, how I ruined everything for you, how you couldn't go back to being normal -- whatever that means -- as long as I was in your life." Jimin scowled at Jungkook, his hands clenched into trembling fists. Jungkook's face grew pale, a chill running down his shaking body.
 
"Oh, and I also remember you wishing that you hadn't met me, wishing that you hadn't known me, and then you wouldn't be experiencing the ugly things that I made you feel. Poor guy...."Jimin clicked his tongue, his mind fogging up with blinding rage, although his eyes looked so heart-wrenchingly sad as they stared daggers at Jungkook, seeing Jungkook shaking his head vehemently, his eyes watery, "....life must be really hard for you living with a pain like me." Jimin's voice wavered slightly, his hands clutching at the fabric of his t-shirt on his stomach.
 
Jungkook's eyes were so painfully desperate, brimming with tears, his body dashing forward towards Jimin immediately, "No Jiminie hyung, no. You've got it all wrong. There has been a misunderstanding. That's not what I meant --"
 
"Save your explanation for someone who actually cares enough to listen to your bullshit. I've had enough of your little games." Jimin uttered, his voice distant as he turned around away from Jungkook, not being able to face him anymore. He wanted to go away from there, anywhere away from Jungkook. He couldn't understand what game Jungkook was playing at now, all of his so called compliments and sudden interest to amend their broken relationship seemed like mockery to Jimin. All the pent up heartache and pain from so many years seemed to accumulate at once and burst, filling Jimin with blinding rage. But as soon as Jimin had seen the tears in Jungkook's eyes, his anger had evaporated instantly, leaving his chest feeling empty, and his heart aching. Despite the younger hurting him time and time again over the years, it hurt Jimin greatly to see Jungkook in tears.
 
He couldn't bear this. He was losing himself. He was so close to breaking down completely.
 
But Jimin couldn't afford doing that infront of Jungkook. He had to move, he had to move away quickly.
 
Jimin frantically walked to his duffle bag, harshly shoving all of his belongings into it, his hands trembling as he zipped the bag close. He sprang up and wasted no time in walking towards the door.
 
"Hyung...."
 
Seeing Jimin leave, Jungkook panicked immensely. Desperate to stop his beloved hyung from leaving, he sprinted towards him, halting and standing infront of him to block him from reaching the door, his hands out wide at his sides.
 
"Please don't leave hyung. P-please listen to m-me...." Jungkook's voice broke, his tears spilling out, his lips trembling.
 
"I think I've listened enough to you all these years. All it did was break me. I only get h-hurt when I'm with y-you..." Jimin's voice cracked, just like his heart, his eyes watering. He blinked rapidly to get rid of the moisture collecting in his eyes.
 
"No hyung, I'm sorry....please just let me explain once, I'll tell you everything hyung....just please, please listen to me....please...." Jungkook was crying harshly by now, his voice gone highly unstable, his vision blurred by his continuous tears.
 
"Why are you doing this Jungkook?" A tear slipped out of Jimin's eye, the one he quickly wiped away, "Please leave me alone, I can't -- I c-can't --" 
 
"Please listen to me hyung....p-please.....I b-beg you..." Jungkook was full on sobbing by now, his hands joining to beg Jimin, to somehow make him stay, to make him listen, to show him his true feelings. Please listen to my heart Jiminie hyung. Do you know that it beats for you?
 
"You didn't hear the full conversation yesterday hyung....what I said was -- what you heard was just a f-fragment of the conversation, I-I -- all of what you've heard was just my pent up frustration speaking, I didn't mean a word of that part h-hyung, I s-swear...." 
 
"W-why --" Jimin's bottom lip quivered, his chest aching at witnessing Jungkook's current state, his eyes glistening and pooling with tears. He was one step away from the breakdown.
 
"I love you Jiminie hyung." Jungkook choked out, not being able to hold it in any longer. His hands held onto Jimin's precious ones like a lifeline, caressing them with the warmest of touches. His eyes shined earnestly as the words left his lips, not a single hint of any ulterior motive.
 
His trembling lips curled, and Jungkook smiled brokenly, devastatingly, so hopelessly in love with the man infront of him as he spoke the truth of his life, "I'm in love with you Jimin-ah."
 
And just like that, the dam broke. Jimin had fallen.
 
"Please stop this.....it's not funny anymore. Do you know how m-much it h-hurts? It hurts s-so bad Jungkook. I get it. I understand that you don't like me. I understand that you despise me and want nothing to do with me. I accept it. It took me a long time to accept it, but I do accept it. I accept your distaste towards me. Even though it tears me apart, I accept it. I won't trouble you anymore, I promise. I won't annoy you or follow you around all the time. I won't be clingy anymore and I'll not be in your space anymore. I'll talk to you only when necessary. I'll keep my distance. I don't want to bother you anymore. Just the way you want. So please- just- don't tell me these lies. Don't play these cruel games with me anymore. Because it fucking h-hurts......" A heart-wrenching sob escaped Jimin's throat, his heart squeezing painfully.
 
"You know, I feel so insignificant compared to you guys. And on top of that, you used to call me out on my height, used to tell me that I need to lose weight, used to always push me away like I'm some germ you can't tolerate, used to rank me last in looks.....I know you did it as a joke, but it still gets to me. I may act like I'm strong and confident, but I'm not. I'm not strong enough to endure all the things you say about me." The things that Jungkook did in the past when he was younger didn't even bother Jimin anymore. He had grown numb to that feeling. What bothered him was the things that Jungkook was doing in the present. Jimin hated that Jungkook was now sending him so many mixed signals.
 
"I'm really sorry, I'm so s-sorry...." Jungkook hiccuped, choking on his words, his tears wetting his entire face.
 
Jimin seriously couldn't bear this any longer. He wanted to finish this conversation already and get out of there as soon as possible. "Please forget whatever I said to you today. I'll forget what you said to me as well. I gave up a long time ago on the hope that you'll ever truly love me....so, you don't have to worry about anything, alright? You don't have to go out of your way and say those valuable words when you don't even mean them, because that hurts me more than you pushing me away.....
 
"I'll just- I'll g-go now......."   
 
Jimin walked to reach for the door, but the grip on his left wrist stopped him from doing so. Jungkook grasped onto Jimin's hand with the most tender touch and spun him around, making him gently collide with his chest and fall into his arms. Jungkook steadied Jimin, his hands wrapping around Jimin's dainty waist. He took in Jimin's dazed expression, the tears clinging to his lashes making him look enigmatic, like a majestic water colour painting. 
 
Jungkook gently pushed Jimin against the wall, pressing his own body against Jimin's, leaving not an inch of space between them. 
 
"Look into my eyes and tell me that I don't love you." Jungkook was breathing heavily, his face flushed and wet with tears. Tears were still spilling from his eyes, multiple emotions swimming in them for Jimin to decipher. But there was a spark of determination in his eyes now that was nowhere to be found before.
 
Jimin tried to look up into Jungkook's eyes, hesitant in his initiation. Jungkook smiled fondly through his tears at him, trembling hands coming to cup his face.  
 
And before Jimin could realise, Jungkook had pulled him into a kiss. It was both of their first kisses, their lifelong manifestation of wanting eachother as their first kiss being fulfilled that day. Jimin was too stunned to do anything initially, but he soon melted against Jungkook's body at his soft passionate kisses.
 
"Listen to my heart and tell me that I'm not head over heels in love with you." Jungkook placed Jimin's hand on top of where his heart lay, and Jimin felt Jungkook's heart pounding actively against his chest. "My heart beats for you Jiminie, only you. I don't even have any right on myself, because all of me belongs to you Jimin-ah.....it always has." 
 
Jungkook stared at Jimin intently before leaning in for another kiss.
 
"I love you Jimin. And this isn't a lie. I'd rather die than lie about something like this. My feelings for you are true, please believe me." Jungkook's eyes shone earnestly yet again, and this time Jimin didn't fail to notice the sheer honesty and sincerity in Jungkook's eyes. His eyes always spoke the truth.
 
"I love you so much that my heart hurts hyung. It hurts so bad and it's so overwhelming and it's too much for me to bear." Jimin subconsciously caressed Jungkook's chest, desperate to comfort him in any way possible.
 
"I know it's not easy at all for you to believe my love is true, especially when all I've done these years is to make you believe the opposite. But I promise Jiminie, I promise to spend every second of my remaining life redeeming myself for my past mistakes, building your trust in me and making you believe in my love for you. I've spent all of my life loving you silently, now for the rest of my life I'll love you freely, loudly, cherishingly....with my words, actions and gestures. Loving you is my only purpose in life, and you are my life Jimin-ah. You're my everything." Jungkook caressed Jimin's cheeks lovingly, wiping away all of his tears and kissing his closed eyelids after.
 
"Thank you for tolerating me and putting up with me so far......thank you for your bright smiles and wonderful presence, they always made my day.......thank you for everything Jiminie.......and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for making you wait this long." Jungkook said as he sniffed, placing a kiss on Jimin's face after each 'thank you' and 'sorry'.
 
"I'm so incredibly sorry for everything. I know saying sorry doesn't mean much, but I want to begin my redemption by properly apologising to you. I sincerely hope you can forgive me one day......" Jungkook took a few steps back and performed a deep bow to give his sincerest apologies to Jimin.
 
Jimin moved closer to Jungkook, cupping his face and wiping away all of Jungkook's tears as well. "I just need some time to get myself together, but I'm sure I'll be able to forgive you Jungkook-ah." Jimin said honestly, sucking in a sharp breath for the words he was going to say next, his heart stuck in his throat, "Especially since I'm in love with you." 
 
"You're......in l-love.....with....m-me?" Jungkook was too stunned to form a coherent sentence.
 
"Yes.....that's right. I'm in love with you. Wasn't that already obvious?" Jimin chuckled, partly embarassed, partly amused.
 
"No, I had no idea Jiminie hyung. I've hurt you so much in the past -- which I'm extremely sorry for -- that it was impossible for me to think that you would ever love me back. I actually believed you hated me....." Jungkook spoke honestly, his voice going silent towards the end.
 
"Even when you kept hurting me, I couldn't help but love you....." Jimin said with a slightly forlorn expression on his face, not a hint of malice or resentment in his voice. It just hurt to think about those times.
 
Jungkook's face dropped immediately, guilt and pain contorting his expression, "I'm sorry....."
 
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. It's all in the past now anyway. And now we're together and we've mended our relationship. You and our relationship is my present. And that's all that matters to me." Jimin comforted, his hands coming to clutch at Jungkook's hands tightly, the touch sending tingling sensations throughout Jungkook's body.

"We're t-together?" Jungkook choked on thin air, his heart going out of control at hearing the (great) news.
 
Jimin's tinkling giggles filled the room, warming Jungkook's heart. "Yes Jungkook, I do believe we are together. Unless you don't want to be together with me?...."
 
"No! Of course not Jiminie." Jungkook hurried to deny, shaking his head with his eyes as wide as saucers, "I just -- I still find it hard to believe that you love me back and that you want to be together with me. You have been my only dream for as long as I can remember, and I'm just scared that I'll pinch myself into reality and you'll disappear. I'm sorry that I'm being so weird." Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.
 
"It's completely alright, Kookie." Jungkook's heart fluttered at the nickname, "and I love you with all your flaws and weaknesses. Always and forever." 
 
"I don't deserve you, my love." A bittersweet smile graced Jungkook's features.
 
"I love you the most. I'm thoroughly in love with you baby." Jimin blushed a bright pink at the nickname, making Jungkook's heart swoon.
 
Jungkook caressed Jimin's chest where is heart resided, a fond smile playing on his lips as he stared straight into Jimin's eyes and said in a soft voice, "I promise to mend the hole in your heart hyung. I promise to fill your heart with so much love that it'll last you a lifetime. And I promise to love you endlessly for all our seven lives. You're the one for me Jimin-ah, you always have been."