will you ever look at me (the way i look at you) || Jikook

Prologue: The Introduction

i am merely a sentence in your life.

yet i have filled libraries with thoughts of you.

 
Jimin just wanted to be loved.
 
He just wanted to experience how it felt like to be loved and cared for, atleast just for once in his life. He was terrified that he might be asking for too much. Deep down, he always felt that he didn't deserve to be loved. Because why would anyone love such a weird, odd, loud and obnoxious person, right?
 
Jimin never knew what love felt like. He had never been loved by anyone in his life. Not by his parents, not his siblings, not his friends, not his teachers, not by his neighbours, nobody. Not even himself, he couldn't ever love himself either. How could he, when everyone around him reminded him of how unlovable he was. So naturally, Jimin had lost hope on ever being loved.
 
And later on in his life, after working harder than everyone else, inorder to prove himself, inorder to become worthy of love - he became a part of the boyband BTS. He was the last to join the group, but he was thrilled regardless. He felt like he finally did something even remotely praiseworthy in his life. Jimin felt happy for the first time then.
 
When he realised that he was going to be in a band with six other remarkable boys, Jimin was ecstatic. Very nervous, but ecstatic nonetheless. A tiny sliver of hope tenderly wrapped around Jimin's heart, the hope that atleast these six boys could teach him what love felt like. Jimin had a lot of love to give, and he did give it, he gave it all his life. But he never received it back. So, Jimin hoped that maybe his now bandmates could help him feel a little less empty. 
 
But oh, how wrong he was. He came to find his true love in a boy named Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook. The boy who was his fellow bandmate and the youngest of them all. The boy who had captured his heart the first time Jimin ever laid his eyes on him. The boy whose sparkly doe eyes, which looked so lost and homesick that Jimin's chest ached with an indescribable, intense feeling. And even though Jimin strongly believed that falling in love with your bandmate -- that too a boy -- was utterly wrong, his poor and fragile heart couldn't help but hope that Jungkook would love him too. 
 
But how wrong the sweet, poor boy would be, he only realised later. 
 
Because Jungkook never came to love him. Instead.....he hated him.
 
Jungkook never missed a chance to show Jimin how much he despised him. He never failed to show his distaste for Jimin. He never failed to push Jimin away (a little too hard), when all Jimin did was dote on him and care about him. Sure, Jimin must have been a little too straightforward with his love and affection for Jungkook, and maybe he was a little too touchy for Jungkook's liking, but that was just how he loved people. That was his love language, he wanted to shower Jungkook with affection and care all the time, because his heart was overflowing with love for him. Loving Jungkook was his only intention, Jimin never ever wanted to make him feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. He never intended to make Jungkook feel irritated or annoyed. He only just wanted to love him.
 
No wonder that Jimin was mortified when he came to know that he was making Jungkook feel all the ugly things that he never wished to do, he got to know that from all his bandmates, their fans and of course, by Jungkook himself.
 
When he got told countless times that he was being overly clingy, that he was making Jungkook very uncomfortable by his words, his actions and by his presence itself, that Jungkook was disgusted by him, that Jungkook hated him, that he should stop being so fucking selfish and just leave Jungkook alone.....
 
Jimin felt his innocent and delicate heart shatter miserably.
 
And when Jungkook himself said it to his face that he never wished to have known him.....
 
Jimin realised that maybe he doesn't deserve to be loved, afterall.