Dear Dave,
Greetings, friend. Before you delve into the immensity of what I am about to relay to you, turn off your lights, close and lock the doors, and lastly, DO NOT look behind you. It's watching. For months, perhaps even years, this creature has followed me everywhere I have travelled. Ireland, Russia, Mongolia, and all the other places around the world. Its warm breath flows down my neck as I walk down the streets. Its salty smell pervades my nostrils at all moments, even as I sleep. Its presence always looming over me, like a quarium full of mant-o-rays. Oh, talking about quariums, that's the first place I sensed this beast. It was a cold summer afternoon-yes, cold-as if the ocean winds had sucked the warmth away. At a quarium, I casually browsed the fishes, and seemingly took a liking to the otters; they were my friends, my only friends. Every day, when I visited them, they would whisper in my ears, saying 'kill it, kill it, J'. And I would thank to myself, 'ahawhahaha, that ingenious plans'. So, to follow the otters' hourdearvers, I went to the sea shop and ordered me an harpouns. "GOO" So, with an harpouns, I attacked the evil devils spirits that visited my room every nights. Weirdly, a dead cadaver would be found every morning in my room. But, that's besides the points. IT. It planned to take care of my harpouns to make sugar I couldn't destroy him, however I was smarterer. I hid the harpouns within my body. I plunged it within my belly hole, like a whale. "NOW IVE GOT HIM" After that plot, the conflict with me and the evil demon spirits had subsided.. and the otters stopped talking to me.................................. Because I et them. WoooooooooOOoooooooOoooooooooooo. They were tasty, yummy yummy in my timmy. (that's a whole different story). And then, Tiffany was like "girl, u need some lotion" , so I was like, "I need to murder for pleasure", and then tiffany was like "BOBBY DEAN, he don't like butter as much as Paula" "hahahahahahahah"
Sorry about that, sometimes I get a little scatterbrained, hehe. Hold on, I hear something. Let me investigate... OH NO IT'S THAT SALTY SMELL; IT'S COMINg for me. Heeeeee huhhh hee hhhuhhh. I can see him; let me describe it to you. He's big and blue, wet, scary. It almost makes me moist, but I have good taste. Also, he looks oily, as if he secreting some kind of loin juice. Ew. Its coming closer, closer, closer. "hello, Jimbo. How are them..... *heavy breathing*.... Loins?" Oh no. I remember, it's all coming back. I have been suppressing this memory, and this creature. It's, It's, It's, It's Tabithaq!!!! Run, he will come for your loins, just like he is coming for my.
Love,
JIM RIP
-ECK
