Masks Always Fall

Chapter 20

I laid listlessly on my narrow bed, the thin mattress doing little to block the constant chatter and noise rising up from downstairs. The other girls were still crowded in the common area as evening descended, catching up on the day's gossip and dramas with boisterous voices.

My mind, however, was far removed from the group home. It replayed on an endless loop the events from my tutoring session with Ms. Clarke earlier that afternoon. I squeezed my eyes shut, as if I could block out the vivid memory of how closely we had stood, her perfume intoxicating my senses. The feeling of her intense gaze searching mine, as if she could see straight into my fractured soul.

A dull ache had settled deep in my chest since leaving her classroom. I longed to lose myself in her mystique once more, to have those piercing blue eyes focused solely on me. But I knew that hope was foolish - our relationship could never be more, no matter the electricity that arced between us, or how awake she made me feel.

With a sigh, I rolled over and glanced at the clock, counting down the empty hours until I might see her again tomorrow. Wondering if the tutor and I could maintain our careful distance, or if once more our resolve would crumble under the charged pull that inexorably drew us together.

I was pulled abruptly from my wistful thoughts as Zahara burst into the room, her usual ball of boundless energy. She was always so full of life, a stark yet welcome contrast to my darker moods.

"Do you want to go on a walk?" she asked eagerly, bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she could hardly contain her joy at the simple proposal. Just being around Zahara's sunshine-bright presence seemed to chase the shadows from my mind, if only temporarily.

A small smile broke through as I gazed at her hopeful expression. "Yeah, a walk sounds nice," I relented, pushing myself up off the lumpy mattress. Anything to get out of this cramped room and away from the noise crowding in, if only for a little while.

Zahara beamed, seizing my hand and practically dragging me toward the door. "Come on, I have so much to tell you about my day!"

As Zahara and I descended the stairs, hand in hand, the roar of overlapping gossip assaulted my weary senses. The last thing I felt like dealing with was the houseful of squabbling teenagers.

But before we could make our escape, McKenna's biting tone cut through the din. "Awe, does Zahara have a crush?" she crooned mockingly, pushing up from the couch.

Zahara's face fell and her grip on my hand tightened anxiously. She had endured McKenna's constant torment since arriving at the home, and it never got any easier to bear. I glared at McKenna, mustering as much malice as I could in response to her provocation. "Lay off, McKenna."

She merely sneered in return. "Ooh, touchy! Better watch out, someone might think you two lezzy loooovers." The other girls tittered cruelly at her jab.

Anger and fear swirled within me. I couldn't let McKenna's words reveal the secret I worked so hard to hide.

I glowered at her. "Shut your mouth, McKenna. I'm not into girls." The lie burned like acid on my tongue, but I had no choice. I couldn't risk anyone finding out the truth - about my forbidden feelings for Ms. Clarke, or the times I'd caught myself glancing too long at certain girls.

I pulled Zahara toward the door, her eyes downcast. Guilt weighed heavily on me for not sticking up for her with McKenna's taunts. But protecting my secret was the only thing keeping me sane in this place.

Zahara and I walked in silence as the cooling evening breeze rustled through the trees. The sun still shone overhead, bathing everything in a soft golden light. It was peaceful out here, away from the noise and hostility within the group home's walls.