Memoirs of the Popular Monster

Prelude

"I've heard a lot of things about you." My ears twitch at the sound of a voice, not something I hear everyday nowadays. "They say that you're the best there ever was... Puh... look at you now..."

Oh, it's someone annoying... I decide to ignore the taunting and try to get back to my peaceful slumber. Not that I haven't woken up before, but with the predicament that I'm in, I don't get a lot of... visitors. The cuffs on my wrists and ankles and the one around my neck keeps me from moving much and the only thing I can do is sleep the days away. I don't know how long I've been doing it... it seems like forever...

"HEY!" I hear again, the sound of the old door shaking against the metal ringing in my ears. "I'm talking to you, Dog... or are you so dumb you can't even understand me anymore?"

I chuff and my ear twitches even more but I don't open my eyes or move. Never been one for pleasantries to those who are a pain in the ass. Suddenly, I hear the sound of a mechanism moving and the wooden door swings on its hinges. Against my better judgement, this intrigues me, and I open my eyes. I am met with the dank and dreary stone walls that I have stared at for years and years. There is faint sunlight coming through the window that is way too high to reach but it's all the light I need to see the... thing in front of me.

What is that thing? An ogre?

"I thought that would get your attention." I was unaware that ogres could talk... "Do you want to get out of here?"

My eyes flicked to the ogre's face but I found an obnoxious fat boy instead. I say boy but he was probably in his mid-twenties... Either way, I honestly wish I had seen an ogre instead of the atrocity in front of me. Even if I didn't have extra sensitive senses, it was clear to anyone with half of a brain that this bloated whale in front of me was 1% pride and 99% stupid. A real lunker, this... thing.

"Did you hear me? I said that I can get you out of here."

"How's that?" I asked, a struggle to get my voice going again.

Apparently, my voice scared him because he gasped dramatically and took a step back. I lifted my head and then lolled it onto my shoulder, where it was stationed above me with the fetters, the position giving me a much better look at the squishy boy. I chuckled at the sight before me. He was dressed in lavish robes of red with black threading and accessories and had beady clear black eyes and curly black hair pulled back into a low ponytail. The snide expression on his face and the piteous look in his stupid little eyes told me everything I needed to know about this lumpkin: he was rich, he was stupid, and he was haughty.

My favorite.

"So you're not a useless sack of meat after all." He said with a sneer.

"I wish I could say the same of you."

Offended, he furrowed his eyebrows and walked closer to me. "How dare you speak to me that way?" I just chuckled and he regained his composure. "I don't think you understand the predicament you're in."

"Oh? Pray tell? It's been a while since someone told me something I already know."

The boy's expression looked offended again and I found it really fun to poke at him. I mean, he was a giant dumpling...

"Do you want to be free?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

"I'm serious." I just stared at him. "I'm willing to help you out... for a price." Here we go again... he's going to ask about that stupid spell isn't he? "The secret to having good magical prowess is having the ability to control it in calmness and serenity-" Huh? Am I being lectured? "-with that being said, a magic wielder must have the dexterity and strength-"