The Commune

I. Alexandria.

Alexandria

Four weeks. It's been four weeks and four days since my beloved has left me. He promised me there was nothing that could ever make us part. An eternity of blissful sappy romance, the kind of love you only witness on those corny hallmark movies that you cringe at but secretly long for.

Yeah, I had that.

But now it's all gone. I'd do anything to get it back, but I can't. Nothing will bring him back to me.

No matter how hard I try, I can never rewind the time. If only I had known our last goodbye would truly be our last goodbye.

I wish he never got on that damn plane.

I wish that I would've went with him, so that at least we would've been together when it happened.

Maybe that sounds fucked up, but I don't care. I loved him, and he loved me, and we were happy. It was the happiest I'd ever been.

And sure, when things like this happen when you're as young as I am, the natural response from other people is to tell you things like 'you'll be okay' and remind you that you've still got your whole life ahead of you. But I don't want to live a life without him. I don't know if I can ever see myself being okay after this, not truly anyway.

Then again, I suppose it was pretty foolish of me to delude myself into thinking Gwen and I could really have forever, surely it was bound to end at some point. But not this soon, not like this.

May you rest in peace Gwen Walker, the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for. I will always love you.

Rest in peace to my other half. In all my 20 years of life I have never felt so empty.

Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe with time, I could get past this somehow. Maybe even meet someone, down the line, who makes me feel even half as whole as Gwen did.

But none of that is certain. All I know for sure is that I was lucky and blessed enough to have found a love that completed me so once in this lifetime. I don't expect to find that again. I'm not sure if I want to. That's what makes that kind of love so special. And that's exactly how I want to remember it, remember him. Special.

He truly was one of a kind. He just had this way about him. His reputation around campus was nothing short of a "troublemaker" and "typical rich playboy." But reputations can lie.

In my eyes, he was painfully misunderstood. He went by his own set of rules. I think that's what I liked most about him. He didn't care about what other people had to say, but he cared what I had to say. He's one of the few people who did.

He could make you feel so incredibly special if he wanted to, almost magical.

He was a fairytale, my beautiful fairytale.

Sure he was complicated at times. But for all the hell he would raise, he would bring heaven and then some, and that made it all worth it.

He gave me purpose. Lately it's been hard to find that in anything.

I can't even focus on school these days. Even photography doesn't give me much joy anymore, it used to be my world. But it all just feels so pointless now.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not exactly in a position to feel that way. You see, the university I attend is way over my family's budget. But thankfully, I'm on an academic scholarship. Which means I really can't afford to fail my photography class, or any class for that matter. Apparently poor people and lower middle class aren't allowed to mourn if it affects their studies, who knew?