The Commune

III. Niccolò.

Niccolò

"So that was quite the show earlier huh? Felicity sure knows how to command a room, one way or another." I voice to my friends as I take a seat in our favorite bar.

"She's a Walker isn't she?" Viv mutters.

"Last time I checked." I chuckle ineptly.

I look over to Alex who's just sitting quietly to herself. She's never really been one for small talk. Either she has something to say or she doesn't. She doesn't care for bullshit.

With everything that's happened this term, I'd understand if she didn't ever want to talk to us again. Well, maybe just me.

If only she knew...

If only she knew about all the ways this past semester has been a never ending shit show, even before Gwen's death. I can't be the one to tell her though. Especially not now.

She's still processing the loss of her boyfriend, how could I even begin to pile on more torment? I mean, how much more heartache can one person can take?

She doesn't deserve it. Any of it. No one should have to go through that.

"You're gonna be okay kid." I assure her.

She finally looks up at me and does her best to give me a small, acknowledging smile.

"I wish I could believe that..."

"He loved you, you know that?"

"And I loved him." She sighs. I know she did. That's what makes this so hard.

These secrets are eating at me, constantly.

I can't even mourn the loss of my best friend. Not properly anyway. I just feel this perpetual weight on my shoulders that won't go away. No matter what.

And I know why. But it's not as if I can do anything about it.

"I saw Xena there." I admit.

"So she actually showed then." Vivian gives a sort of wry smile. She doesn't seem too surprised.

"Yeah, I think she wanted to talk to me. At least that's what it seemed like." I tell them. I can feel Alex's annoyance rising just at the mention of Xena's presence. "But don't worry, I left. I really don't feel like dealing with her drama. And on today of all days you know"

"Bitch has got a lotta nerve." Alex scoffs.

"Alex don't..."

"No, I tried okay. I tried to hold it together today and pretend it was okay, but it's not! This is such bullshit." She contends. "They were hardly even friends, she's just some lunatic who was obsessed with my boyfriend and pretended to be our friend for practically a year! And when he finally called her out on it, she wants to play the victim as if it's Gwen's fault that she's so fucking delusional... " Alex trails off frantically. "She's pathetic."

"Well when you put it like that..."

"She really has some nerve showing up to his funeral as if she actually gave a damn about him! He was my boyfriend! Not hers. She can go cry her crocodile tears somewhere else."

"Look I get it, but it's not exactly like we could've banned her from coming you know" I reason.

"No, of course not." Alex rolls her eyes. "That psycho just gets to do whatever the fuck she wants and expect us all to feel sorry for her. If she shows up here I'm not gonna hold back. I refuse to let her make today all about her when it's supposed to be about Gwen."

"I doubt she's gonna actually do that." Vivian disputes and I hesitantly nod in agreement.

"Yeah well, if she does then it's on her when she gets her feelings hurt."

"Lexi don't let her get to you, you're better than that ok." Vivian tries to calm her down.

"Yeah maybe. Maybe I was. I don't care anymore. I'm done playing nice with her. If she wants to be psycho bitch, two can play at that game."

Well, so much for peace, and new beginnings, and all that singing 'kumbaya' by the bonfire. Then again, that's never really been her style.

It was Alex's idea for us to cut Xena off in the first place. Well, hers and Gwen's, mostly Gwen's actually, now that I think about it. Which seemed strange at first considering he was the one who introduced us to her. The five of us used to be the best of friends. Super chummy. Then last term Gwen just randomly decided that he hated her and told us that she was a crazy stalker who couldn't take a hint. And of course this pissed Alex off because Gwen's her soulmate as she would put it. Alex hated Xena ever since.

If I'm being completely honest, I've always been a bit curious about Xena's side of the story, but I'd never admit that to the others. They'd probably cut me off next.

Besides, the four of us have been friends long before Xena showed up, so there's really no point in ruining that for someone I knew for like a couple months. If Alex and Gwen said she's bad news, then who am I to argue? I don't really care enough anyway.

Alex is my friend, and she already has enough reason to hate me. And if she ever found that out, she surely would. I pray that day never comes, but if it does, at least I can say I didn't give her any more reasons to hate me.

I really don't mean to be a dick, but sometimes I am. I can be selfish, impulsive, reckless at times. That's something Gwen and I used to have in common, we were kindred spirits in that aspect. Sometimes I swear I can feel my fellow kindred spirit still lingering around, or perhaps that's just my guilty conscience. Whatever it is, it torments me every Goddamn second of the day. I don't know how much longer I can live like this...

"So should we head back to campus then?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject. "It's getting kinda late and unfortunately homework and tests don't just magically cease just because our friend died, would you believe?"

"I know, it's crazy." Viv joins me.

"Yeah I guess we could go to the library and you guys could study for your exam. I don't really feel up to doing anything. I kinda just wanna rot in bed honestly." Alex vents.

"Well will you settle for rotting on the couch in the corner of the library?" I put a comforting arm around her.

"I guess so." She finally agrees, resting her head on my shoulder.

"That's my girl."