Undying Devotion | Sebastian Sallow

Chapter 39

Y/N's Perspective

"Y-you... what" I breathe out trying to catch my breath.

I knew that at one point Sebastian loved me, but that was some time ago. Things obviously changed between us over the summer and that is when he admitted he loved me in that letter that he never did send to me. Of course there was still the possibility that he still loved me, but I had my doubts.

We have been having sex for some time now, but he has not asked me to be his girlfriend and while we act like a couple, we are not. I thought because he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet that he was possibly not in love with me anymore or at least falling back in love with me. This makes me wonder if he really does love me or he just loves being deep inside me.

He stands behind me frozen looking at me wide eyed as I look back at him through the reflection in the mirror. He has not moved since he yelled that out. I really mean it when I say he has not moved. He is still inside of me.

His eyes search my reflection trying to gauge what he should do next. I am just as lost as he is. Do I say I love him back? What if he doesn't mean it the way I mean it? I will look like a right fool if that is the case. I do not have experience with this kind of thing. My experience with relationships and love begins and ends with Sebastian Sallow.

He slowly pulls out of me and backs away. His expression shifts and those beautiful golden eyes soften as he throws himself back on the bed. He groans as he looks up at the silk canopy that hangs over the bed. Merlin, I wish I knew what that groan meant. Did he groan cause he falsely admitted he loves me or because I haven't said anything back yet besides questioning him?

I turn around and slowly walk over to the bed. My body ignites in a nervous anticipation as I make the walk over to the bed. It is a short walk but for some reason, it is the longest walk I have ever made.

Once I make it to the bed I sit down by the footboard and watch Sebastian rub his hands over his face continuously. With how hard he is rubbing his face, it looks as if he going to wipe the freckles off his face.

I decide it is time to put him out of his misery and lighten the mood. Maybe if I just do not mention it, he will just move on from it. I scoot closer to him and rest my hand on his knee. "Sebastian" I chuckle softly. "You cannot wipe the freckles off your face no matter how hard you rub it."

He sits up and drops his hands to his side. His face is bright red and his eyes look everywhere but me. Sebastian can be hard to read, but occasionally I will get a glimpse into his complex mind. I see the nerves practically seeping out of him.

This is not how I imagined the night going at all. I was expecting Sebastian to command me into submission until we tired ourselves out and fell asleep wrapped around one another. I can see now this night is going in a completely different direction and there is no chance of avoiding this topic.

He turns his head towards me but still cannot properly look at me. His eyes will fall upon me for a moment then quickly back down to the sheets or the wood bedpost. He looks like he is in misery and I desperately want to save him from the frustration he is causing himself.

"Sebastian" I speak softly. "I will not hold it agains you if you just blurted that out randomly. If you do not actually love me then it is ok. It will not change anything between us."