Hard To Love (Professor / Student)

Help.

I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. These nightmares are only getting worse, but I don't know what to tell Mark. It's silly and beyond childish but I hate feeling like I am not in control. I sit up in bed and throw off the blanket before carefully getting up, trying not to wake up Mark.

Throwing on a sweatshirt before heading downstairs to grab some water. Tonight's events are running through my head of Mark and I fighting. The shots with Cassie make the memories a bit fuzzy, but there's enough there to be pissed about or is there? I don't know.

"Can't sleep?" I hear from across the dark living room. The only source of light is currently coming from the inside of the fridge that I have open. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust, but I can finally make out Frank's figure sitting on one of the living room couches.

"You scared the shit out of me" I say in hushed tones as he throws his head back and laughs.

"My bad, my bad" He says with his hands up in the air before switching on the lamp on the side table.

"What are you doing down here? It's 3:00 am."

"Haven't quite made it to bed yet" He says as he finishes the beer that was on the coffee table. I nod and walk outside onto the second floor deck. The air has a slight crisp to it and I can hear the ocean waves crashing on the shoreline. The couch is slightly damp from the night air as I take a seat, just listening to the night around me. My mind quickly replays tonight's nightmare. This one was just a variation of the nightmare that occurs weekly.

"You alright?" Frank asks, leaning in the doorway. "You look a bit freaked out."

I shake my head "What? No. I'm fine. It's nothing." I stutter.

"Okay, then we will just sit here and listen to the waves." He says as he makes himself comfy on the deck chair next to me.

"You don't have to sit out here." I say, looking out at the water. He doesn't say anything for a while.

"After I graduated high school, I joined the military. I didn't know what to do with my life and a few of my buddies joined too. Thought it would help set me up for a life outside of school not to mention get me a sick body" He says, chuckling at that last part. I smile and roll my eyes. "At first it was okay, boot camp kicked my ass but it was fine in the end. It wasn't until my first deployment that I understood what I signed up for. Don't get me wrong, it was an honor serving my country. But, all of the shit I saw and went through, I have to live with that for the rest of my life." He says and looks over at me. I get what he is trying to do.

"I didn't know you were in the military." I say, rubbing the ends of my sleeves together.

"Yeah, some days were good and others, others played out different than any of us thought they would." He says, clearly thinking about a specific triggering event.

I nod my head "And does it ever get better?" I ask, looking out at the water.

He sighs a bit before standing up and leaning his back against the deck railing, ultimately facing me, "Time helps." He says "But so does talking to someone about it. It wasn't until I sought out professional help that I was able to sleep through the night without meds or alcohol. Have you tried to find someone to talk to?" He asks and I just shake my head.

"What? No way. I'm fine."

"That's what I thought too. I thought I could handle my own shit, but it took sinking to my lowest point to realize how much help I really needed." He says and puts a hand on the arm of my chair and kneels down. "I don't want to see you reach that point." I nod my head, looking down at my hands. "I'm going to head in. Are you okay out here?" He asks as he stands up.