Will I ever be good enough? ~Wilbur soot angst~

~chapter 4~

Technos pov:

Tw: mentions of blood, mentions of cuts, mentions of panic attack, mentions of blades, cleaning of cuts, mentions of voices, mentions of eating disorder, self hate,

Hm not how I imagined my day going. I'm sitting on the floor with a sleeping Wilbur in my arms arms, bleeding and arms full of cuts. I didn't expect to have to come home just to calm someone down from a panic attack but eh.

We we're sitting on the floor for a good 1-2 hours till he finally woke up, he was quite drowsy so I gave him a moment to get to. he yawned and stretched then realized I was there, we just sat there for a moment staring at each other, he knew I had seen his arm's because he looked down to realize his sleeves were up.

"We need to talk". I said in my monotone voice

Wilbur's pov:

Ugh just what I needed today, techno not only finding out about my cuts, but also walking in on me having a panic attack?! great just great.

Just to make things better we now are sitting on my bed an awkward silence in the room till he breaks it.

"How long"? he asked

"What"? I replied

"How long have you been cutting"? He rephrased

"Uhmmm... I sat there a moment trying to remember how long it's been, about a year now". I replied

"Jesus Christ Will a year really"? He said in a shocked voice

"Yeah". I said shifting in the bed uncomfortable

"Where's the other blade"? he asked

"Oh umm my bathroom". I replied

"Can you take me in there give me the blade and give me the bandages you've been using"? He asked 

"Oh yeah sure". I replied

I took him into the bathroom handed him the razor I had been using and grabbed the bandages and also handed those to him.

He reached down and grabbed some antibacterial stuff and antibiotic cream.

He held out his hand

"Your arm Will"? he asked

I gave him my arm and he rolled up my sleeves, it wasn't a nice picture. I had a ton of cuts it was my left arm, he looked unfazed as he cleaned my arm, it hurt but not as much as hitting it. then put cream on it then bandaged it, again once again doing the same for the right arm but much less cuts on that one.

"Why"? he asked me

I didn't really know how to respond, I could either lie or tell the truth. I decided on the truth.

"Uhhh let's go to my room". I said 

We walked back into my room.

"sit down I'll explain". I told him

We sat on my bed and I started talking.

When I was probably around 13-ishhh, I started hearing a voice. it was faint and it didn't really say anything important so I ignored it.

Soon it started to get louder, and told me stuff, like how could someone love a freak like you or you don't deserve food.

I started believing it I was around 14, when I developed a eating disorder it wasn't bad at first, but the voice still told me I was being greedy, so I stopped other then a few bites of food here or there or a apple every now. Then I stopped eating, I started getting panic attacks and developed anxiety. it was pretty bad but luckily you guys didn't notice.

At the age of 15, I starting cutting. it was the only way to keep the voice at bay, Or I would sleep, both worked but cutting worked for longer so I defaulted to that.

Usually nothing really causes the panic attacks, they just come randomly I've gotten used to them by now.

I finished and he looked up at me. I didn't realize I was crying but he pulled me into a hug, I was repeating sorry over and over again and he was telling me it was okay and that we'll get through this together.

After about 15 minutes I finally stopped crying, I heard the front door open and the loud obnoxious sound of my brother running up the stairs probably to go game with Tubbo or Ranboo.

I heard my dad call us downstairs, techno said we were coming and got up.

 I went to go out of my room, but Tech stopped me.

.

"We have to tell him you know". He told me

"Why though? you know isn't that enough"? I replied

"He can take you to a doctor, you can get the help you need you can get meds to help with this stuff. please can we just tell him"? Techno urged

I thought about it for a moment.

"Maybe". I replied 

"We can walk downstairs and I'll make a decision, I'll either nod or shake my head kay"? I asked

"Sure". He replied 

We walked downstairs and my dad looked up at us.

"Hey Will, hey Tech, I need you guys to unpack the groceries please". He said to us

"Okay dad". we both said in unison 

We unfinished packing the groceries and Tech looked over at me.

I nodded, he gave me a small comforting smile.

I took a deep breath.

"Dad I need to tell you something". I said

Hehe I'm so evil you have to wait a whole week to finish!
I'm super sorry if this was shorter then expected it was for me too but really I was losing motivation

Make sure to eat something (even if it's small) drink water and get sleep know that I'm proud of you always have a great day/night baiii!

~word count 904~