𝐀 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐳𝐞 | 𝐊𝐚𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Chapter / 02

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My usual morning routine. The same. I wake up, I don't want to get out of bed. I'd rather just fall back asleep than have to go to school. My mother comes into my room cause she sees that I'm not out of my room yet. She starts yelling at me. How loud. I only just woke up and she's already screaming her lungs out to me. How irritating.

She forces me off the bed and throws my uniform at me. She threatens me to put them on or else she'll take away my phone for a week. I sigh and put it on. I don't brush my hair and head downstairs. My sister mocks me for my ugly not brushed hair but I don't care. I'm used to it.

My dad's already at work and my mom goes to work later. My mom gives my sister her lunch and she gives me nothing. I don't care. I'll just starve myself. My mom takes me by the shoulder quite aggressively and drags me towards the car so she can drive us. She pushes me to get inside the car and so I get in. My neighbors are used to this. They see how I'm being treated every single day, but all they do is ignore it. What wonderful neighbors.

My mom drives us to school and leaves us at the entrance. I get out the car, immediately wanting to skip class, but having to go or my mom will yell at me again and take my phone away.

I walk into the school and get ignored by everyone, as if I was simply just a ghost wandering the crowded halls of the school. I reach my locker and sigh. If you can't tell, my life is absolute shit. Rather just kill myself than stay in this shit hole.

No one meets me at my locker. In fact, I have absolutely no friends. No one dares to speak with me or give me any attention. Everyone avoids me, probably because I always seem down. They probably know I'm fucking depressed. I mean, it's fucking obvious. I have eye bags under my eyes, I have red eyes from crying so much at night and I have terrible grades cause what's the point of getting good grades if I plan to die soon?

I head to class and sit at my desk as even the teacher ignores me. How amazing those teachers are. I feel like everyone's against me. I have no one by my side. Absolutely nobody.

Class starts and all I do is look out the window that was at my right since my desk was near the windows. There's nothing to see outside. Everything's gray. I'm not colorblind. I just see nothing that's worth looking at. The trees aren't pretty, the sky isn't pretty. The houses in the distance aren't worth watching. The birds outside are boring. What a boring and ugly world. Nothing is worth living for. I have no one by my side and the world is just ugly.

I lay my head down on my arms that are placed on the table and try to fall asleep. At least I'm not conscious in the real world when I'm sleeping. That's why it's so great. I love sleeping. Helps me escape from this cruel world that hates me.

I go to all my classes and survive my day at school. How wonderful. Just amazing.

I walk home by myself since my mom doesn't bother to pick me up from school and only picks up my sister. How annoying.

I watch as cars pass by me and I wonder if I should just jump in front of one and get hit. But that would be embarrassing.

I arrive home and a wave of depression immediately washes me away from shore.

Maybe embarrassing myself like that wouldn't have been that bad of an idea.

I walk into the house and try my best to ignore my family. Of course, they couldn't care less about me. I went over to my room and shut the door behind me. I sigh in relief. This time no one started to yell at me. How wonderful.

I take out my phone and open tik tok. Somehow, I only had depressing videos on my fyp. Not surprising though, I mean, I felt glad that people felt just like me. I was glad that I could relate to people, it made me feel a bit better. I scrolled through social medias for hours on end.

My stomach was growling at me, begging to give it food. I refused. But it kept going. So I had no choice but to actually eat something.

I head downstairs and nobody was there. Thank the archons. I opened the fridge and realized that if I did take food, my family would most likely notice. So I took a little bit of everything so it wouldn't be that obvious.

I felt disappointed in myself. I really thought I could just starve myself and die that way, but I guess I couldn't help myself. Maybe there was something in me that was still having some hope that one day I'll have a reason to eat, a reason to stay awake, a reason to not end it all. It was really small. But that little flame didn't blow out just yet. Maybe I still hoped that one day, everything could be better. Just maybe.

I could only hope that for myself...

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