Abyssal Reverie

Chapter 3: Take Aim

"Just take aim, break me apart, love, Won't you?"

Life seemed to drag on as the ocean seemed to have no end or beginning. The Days blended together. , Eat, Speak with Vessel. Sleep, Eat, and attempt to earn the crew's respect that hated me. The only friend I had made was Simon. Part of me believed he felt responsible for taking care of me, he could have left me in that cell to rot away in my blood, but he didn't. He had saved me once, and he was damn sure he could do it again.

I kept myself busy curating the perfect menu. Counting the rations out piece by piece to ensure we have enough to last us for the months ahead. No one would tell me where we were going or why we all ended up on this ship. I was a pariah who snuck onto the ship at the last minute with no profitable skills to make up for the food they consumed. I could feel the grief for the life I had long forgotten growing inside of me. I was desperate to understand where I had come from and if anyone was looking for me anywhere.

As I watched the sunset again behind the clouds around me on another day with no answers, I couldn't help but dredge the bottom of my heart for something to look forward to. My meeting with Vessel would take place after our evening meal; his request was to meet him on the crew deck to see the work of sleep through the eyes of a man built to dream in her world.

I picked at the potatoes on my plate, the fork circling round and round on the plate. I had taken to eating my meals alone in my bunk. The small window offered the only real companionship I had been allotted. Simon often checked in, attempting to mend the bridge between me and the rest of the crew. Telling me stories of a time I had long forgotten, large gatherings in a place he called Jericho. Families of all shapes and sizes gather together for all sorts of events. Something he called a solstice in celebration of the coming summer days. How each of them had a family that was lost somehow. Whether it be choices that drove them away, famine that took them sooner than they were supposed to go, or acts of violence that fueled the rage in their souls, all of them had one thing in common.

Vessel had found them at their lowest points and nurtured them into a belief to be their salvation. Before me, there was a deep connection between all members aboard The Nazareth, camaraderie driven by the need to be accepted into the folds for Sleep. When you find desperate people on the brink of self-destruction, sometimes all it takes is the promise of devotion to cure them of themselves.

Despite Simon's stories, every man aboard the ship avoided me like a bad memory. They all felt distaste for how I managed to weasel my way onto one of the most important crew expeditions of their lifetime. Yet- no matter how much I pushed myself to talk with them and learn more about where we were headed and their love for Sleep, all of them left me desperate for connection. Understanding. Simon was sworn to secrecy. I was told the truth would unravel for me as Sleep saw fit. Who was he to go against God's wish?

As the last signs of the sun disappeared behind the horizon, I gathered what was left of my dinner. I made my way through the labyrinth that was the underbelly of our great vessel. I had begun to feel more like what I Imagined myself to be before all this. The bruises that covered my body were growing old and yellowing. The cuts on my hands now are slim scabs that didn't hurt to touch. Time was mending my physical body, but my mind was still shattered. Picking up the pieces of my psyche left me in a never-ending circle of confusion. I needed to understand why I was here, and my patience was growing weak.

After dropping my plate off in the kitchen area, I reach the crew deck. The air had cooled enough that the splash back from the ocean waves felt cold on my skin. A soft wind from the ever-bustling sea pushed the salt waves of my silver hair back and forth across my face. Now and then, I see myself in a bucket of water or the mirror nestled away in the Navigation room. The deep purple bruises under my eyes had almost entirely faded, two faint scars crisscrossing my cheeks, now visible in their stead. The hollowness of my cheeks fills in as I build more muscle with my daily tasks. Even so, the changes my body was undergoing made the internal struggle much more difficult. I didn't know who I was before this frail, dependent being that was dragged before Vessel. No matter how much I changed, it would never be enough to feel content with where I was.